Clash of the tash

HALEW! Now these days ewen more than normal, euriwhere euriplace you looking you seeing pace op Noble and Onerable King. Only way not to see pace is to close eyes. But I try that once but realised this is bad idea, espeshally while driuing tree wheel. When I open eyes tree wheel going istraight towards soththa Walls ice cream bicycle man ismiling and looking at sky. Ip I hit the bugger op course he not so Jumbo Jolly. He might even put his cornetto in my chocolate temptation. But on plus side it might istop that dam annoying tune coming prom bicycle megapone, you the one no? I am the sure these STF buggers using that tune only playing again again in cell op prisoners until they conpess whatever they did (or most time what they didn't do)and they are sentenced to a lipe of picking up soaps in jails.

Anyway back to the point. Gossip Aiya thinking too many picshures op Kings pace all ower Colombo. Ewen in dreams seeing this man (other day por example king telling in deep dream voice for me to cut vuttakka). Anyway so other day gossip aiya go on hire Horton Place juncshun and there is enormous full length cutout op king. I'm sure pans hau seen, how not to see. It are so big the kings shoe is size of cherry QQ car.maybe can see prom top op Piduruthalagala olso. Pirst time I saw I got iscared and almost had accidant (same soththa walls man. dam nipple flicker pollowing me euriwheres). The cutout is op King looking into distance putting the regal looks and putting pointing pinger in obscene way at what seems to be Horton Place Indian Oil Patrol Shed. I think king is not liking the indian chapatis coming and puting patrol shed in our country apter what happen in cirickate match. Or maybe he telling his securities peoples to quickly take jeeps and mercedes cars and go and pill tanks bepore patrol tax goes up again and chapatis get angry and go on the istrike!

Another thing last week I put hire with some poss looking Colombo 7 bugger. Although hire only 200 rupees (bargain rate por taking prom top op Rosmead place to bottom op Rosmead place as he was taking dog por a walk. bugger lept dog to get run ower by walls man and got in tree wheel. i dont kno why) Anyways this man like big shot not hauing the ismall bills. So he giuing what he said was 1000 rupee bill to me to giu change. But this not 1000 rupee bill this something else, like child's drawing on note size paper. I telling "here sir I know you are poss Colombo 7 bugger and I am poor tree wheel driwer but are you taking me por a pool? What is this bollocks thing you are trying to pass opp as 1000 rupee bill? Giu me green looking bill with peacocks running euriwhere, not this rubbish" but he talling this is new bill. When I called ower passing broom salesman he olso telling that this is new one(now pans don't laup at me por not knowing this, I am poor man no. I not seeing such big bills usually). So later when I get home I take wallat and look at this new bill. I hau to say I hau newer seen such an ugly looking note in my lipe.( i pans will know i ahu seen my wipe recently olso). I hau seen porin notes olso (like when I took suddha bugger prom rushiya and other wierd places to wisit ladyboy establishmants) ip oll of those ugly notes were puttogether and a cow putting runny excrement on them they istill look better than this. Not only is King's mug on this note as well (putting look like Nodhaking is doing dirty things to him prom behind)but it looks like some colourblind mountain goat has designed it while partaking op illegal substances. There is some ungodly blue green yellow mixed colour like someone has eaten packet op jelly beans and put kabral all ower. Chikey. I am wery ambarassed to call this our nashuns currancy. Better to take Maldivian Rupiaah instead, before ol the members op royal family appear on the notes pointing pingers, picking noses and whatever other ungodly activites.

Only one thing I am wondering though. With King's pace euriwhere euriwheres, where is this so coll common candidate?? (Although I think it is wery bad to coll him a common bugger just becos he comes prom village, not like Nodhaking coming prom Fifth Lane) Euribody's talling this man only one who can beat King in upcoming elecshun, but I don't think ewen ip he walked past me in bookshop I would know his pace (ok ok maybe that is lie, I don't go inside bookshops). I think they should put his pace also euriwhere euriwheres so peoples can know who this bugger is. Lauly place to put would be in pront of giant king cut out in hortun place. then it will look like king making obscene pinger gesture to comomon man op opposichun (who olso incidentally hau beards on top op lip to filter the kola kendha bepore drinking. no wonder nodhakin never win even game of hop iscotch or rock paper sissor. he not hau top op lip beards)

Anyway ol this talk op elecshuns making Gossip Aiya thinking op running por Hand Party. Maybe I can run with Wickremabahu Karunaratna prom Nashunal Lept Pront as my Prime Minister. He can be my Lept Hand Man. So anyway what do pans think? Should I put a run? I hau some nice policies olso I will detail in next blog. In the meantime I am thinking pans on pacebook group should inwite ol prends so peoples can see my pace euritime they are going online. olso put click on advertisements so i can catch enupp monies to put poster euriwheres. Ip I am getting enup monies maybe can make ewen bigger cut out op me lipting sarong and letting rip nicely prom buttocks, and put next to Horton Place patrol shed so it looking like King has got the ismell and is pointing at me. Good plan no? loan liu the king!

Dishum dishum
Gossip Aiya

And the dame ran away with the shoo

Now gossip aiya hau no children (apart prom one son but this son is no longer son to Gossip Aiya apter he took tree wheel one day to go on hire in night when i was the isleeping and some old womans prom germans came por hire to go to beach wadiya, next thing i know he had hooked opp to germanys in old germans womans baggage becos those days the airport security not so the istrict and now is married to old suddhi womans and liuing in the germanys somewhere i don't know where and has not called or sent latter to my latterbox or sent ewen one german dollar in 20 years i am the wery upset when talking about this so will the istop now.)

Apter that though the Gossip Aiya hau had the no more childrans. This is dues to many reasons. Pirstly euritimes i am seeing wipe, little gossip aiya is shrivel up into a little bol and go inside and don’t come out por a long time. Secondly i am thinking this world is a too bad place to put a child into. I will tell why. Other day was watching cirickate match and then during lunch break putting surfage of channels. Some suddha childrans show coming with some big purples and greens punny looking dinosor like animal (looking something like mervyn silva) ol the kids calling "Barmy" or something like that. Maybe becos animal is a little mad in the brain areas (olso like mervyn silwa). Anyways this Barmy bugger is teaching these innosent battas very dirty song. Gossip Aiya got the wery oppendad, and por the benefit op good readers, will reproduce said song below. It go like this -

Cock a doodle do!
What is my dame to do?
Till master's found his fiddlingstick,
She'll dance without her shoe.

Cock a doodle do!
My dame has found her shoe,
And master's found his fiddlingstick,
Sing cock a doodle do!

Cock a doodle do!
My dame will dance with you,
While master fiddles his fiddlingstick,
And knows not what to do

Now Gossip aiya immediately thinking this is some of that dirty poetry songs they are putting inside the pilm holes at lido and roxy and other dodgy cinemas, but some mahattaya told me this one is childrans nursery song. Ismol batts these days go to monti sori and learn by heart this kind of songs only. This is the wery rong i think, this song wery the innapropriate por the ismall peoples to be singing. ALthough words seem the wery innocent there is wery dirty meaning underneath. I will explain song for ol you dumb buggers who are not understand, werse by werse.

Cock a doodle do!
What is my dame to do?
Till master's found his fiddlingstick,
She'll dance without her shoe.

Now pirst werse of this song is telling that some woman is removing his shoe until the master sir finds his fiddle stick. All lies only. She is not only removing shoes she is taking off all kinds of garments until the master is noticing a certain uprising in his pants. She isputting a nice istrip show ( like the kind that is happen inside poss nighty clubs in Colombo) por this dirty man

Cock a doodle do!
My dame has found her shoe,
And master's found his fiddlingstick,
Sing cock a doodle do!

Next werse ofcourse nothing to explain. Master sir has pound his piddleistick and wants the womans to doodle doodle with cock (not chickan cock but other one, no need to explain these things ewen to dumb buggers). What a dirty thing to say. Ip i ever said that to my wipe she wont bother looking for shoes to hit me she will hit me with the sink in the kitchens. Then dam fussy bugger wants the womans to sing also while doodle doodling with his private parts. I hau olways heard it is not good to tolking with your mouth pul but i guess singing is ok.

Cock a doodle do!
My dame will dance with you,
While master fiddles his fiddlingstick,
And knows not what to do

Last verse opcouse proving this master sir is a bit of a soththa bugger. Apter the womans did ol that dancing and doodle doodling with his middle stump, he could not split the two fielders and send the balls crashing to the boundary boards. Or to use other isporting analogies por readers prom the america, master sir went to ol the bases but didn't know how to hit home run. Soththa bugger was left playing pocket billiards and fiddling with his fiddle stick while dame lauped at master sir, threw shoe at him and danced away to doodle someone else. Should take his good for nothing fiddle istick and send up the rear end of a horse.

Now you ol know meaning op song you must protect your childrans and grand childrans prom these songs. This is a white mans plan to ruin our childrans. Don’t send your childrans to iskool. Keep them home and teach them life iskills like driuing tree wheel or plucking coconuts. That ways they will be sape prom ol these vulgar songs they are being teached in iskool.

Dishum Dishum

Gossip Aiya!

Night time is the wrong time

Now as you ol knowing gossip aiya poor pillow sitting in tree wheel all day with the plys putting plying lesson around my head. Driuing here there euriwhere, isweating in hot sun. Ol this i do to get enup monies so that wipe can eat the pood i take home and tell me that i am good por nothing nut job. Some mens complaining that euriday their wipe giuing them earpul when they coming home in the ewening time. They are dam lucky. My wipe euriday giuing 10 elepant size earpuls only. "Why are you coming late? How come you only brought home 500 rupees today? You think this is some dam joke? What am I supposed to do with 500 rupees, with eurithings so expensiwe? What are we going to eat? Hau you seen the price op piss these days? Op course you don't, whenewer I am asking you to take me to the market you are too busy watching cirickate match or scratching your buttocks and waiting in sarong in chair like King Dutugemunu. I'm sure you don't ewen know how much kilo op rice is. Price op arrack op course I'm sure you know to the cent, dam drunkard. Now giu the money and go prom here!" And on and on like that euriday. Dam devils womans should die of loose motion.


Anyways, euriday ewening time, Gossip Aiya wery tired apter putting hire ol day and abuse prom that woman, so happily going under moskito net and putting sleep. But last night, in spite op net, moskitos coming and putting party on my mambalams. Cant hit the buggers olso to get rid op them becos mambalams will get isquashed. So i lat them put party, but then I thout maybe they are dengu moskitos (since I hau hidden buckets op stagnant water in wipes room and cut holes in her moskito net hoping that she gets dengu and kicks the bucket. Not the bucket I put water in but some other bucket I think.) Anyway I got the iscared at thout op getting dengu fewer in the mambalams so thout I would go outside. And then I got idea sinse wipe was nagging about money money money maybe I can go and put hire.


At this time many porin and local rich peoples going to nighty clubs op calumbu like san si bar and white horse. These days olso there is one place inside a museum. This nighty club actiwities seem to be pamouse apter ischool actiwities. Gossip Aiya seeing all ismall boise and girls going and coming in those places. Some boy ewen come and ask me por illegal green colour substances. This boy trying to look like big shot with hair gelled up like he put finger in electric socket, and talking on expensiwe mobile pone, but he is ismall batta. I'm sure his mambalams are still safely nesting in istomak region. Anyway I tell him that I do not hau such substances, and that he should go home and read bedtime istory and go to sleep. I must say istaying outside those places, Gossip Aiya sees lots op things that ol the top class culumbo peoples are doing under what is colled the curtain op darkness.


One gental man i sow going in with two ladies wearing very ishort skirt. So ishort iskirt Gossip Aiya could see what under jungi she was wearing olso. Even though she is wearing nice cloths and espansiu perfume, rats seem to hau eaten her underjungi prom the sides. Only midal was there both the buttocks outside. Nice white buttocks also. Chickey! Gossip Aiya remember the back in the days when he was in village and paddy parmer used to wear similar under jungi coll amudey and dig holes in the ground. Those pellows olso thought it was very pashionable to dig holes with buttocks out in the open por whole world to see. Uncultured buggers. So anyways this mans going in with two ladies and coming out also with two ladies. Then he comes and gets into my tree wheel and ask me to take him to Duplicashun roads where he wanted to use the services of some soththa bugger istanding on sidewalk, dressed in luminous shorts and a brazier. The bugger wearing the lip istick olso and poking out his buttocks like hashan thilikeratna putting a bat. Although Duplicashun road one way, this bugger depinitely going both ways. Gossip aiya belief that such bugger should be hung upside down in the pettah bus stand and euribodies should collect the snotty prom the nose and paste on them. Walking around waving the buttocks like it is sum pendulum. And these mahattayas olso hau no shame going after these lady boise or whatever it is they are colled.


Olso what is happening inside these nighty clubs Gossip Aiya is not knowing. Mahattaya go nona go then mahattaya carry nona out and do unmenshunable things to her in car park and leave nona and go pick up shanty boy whose wagging bum and walking on dulpikashun road. While ol this happening, loud sounds coming prom inside like buggers making buriyani in the raheemas kitchen. Gossip aiya does not know how peoples are paying moneys to go and listen to that. Much better put casat tape of sunil perera telling i don’t know why.

But I hear this club lokkas making big money. Maybe I can also put nighty party club. I will coll it "Gossip Aiyas Nighty Party Club". Only selling arrack and playing song by sunil perera and sunplowers. Any 688 or other taxi bugger that comes near by will be shotted and then hunged. Only can come in tree wheel. Soththa buggers who get drunk at my club and go and pick up lady boise shall not be taken in. And pans are wery welcome, come come there is ispeshal 5 % pan discount on kadala and masala vadey at the bar.

Dishum dishum

Gossip Aiya

Back door exit

Now last the week in great nashun op Rajapakistan we hau the elecshun. Some ismall elecshun in down south areas, not big big one like one between King and Nodaking. This to elect what they call "Prowinshal Counsillers". These are not VIPs (Very Important Panditheyas) but SHIPs (Shape-ekke Important Panditheyas). These pellos in charge op not big things like army and porin appairs, but things like how many public lat rooms in local train istashun and things like that.

Anyway, this elecshun was was big wictory por betel leap party (King's party). So big that all newsreader peoples calling "land islide wictory" (Gossip Aiya not underistanding this, maybe some buggers putting wictory party on hill and one paaaaaat bugger jump up and down on hill and the land istart to islide.) This is the bad news por elepant party peoples. But main reason noone putting the wotes por this party is because soththa leader Nodaking is not hooking off like euribody wanting him to. He istaying around like bad ismell, like when Isuru Malli hauing pried kadala prom galle pace karaththe and coming into my house and letting rip like atom bomb. As I hau said in earlier blog, dippicult por elepant party to win elecshun while this jockstrap is there. Easier por Zimbabwe under 15 side to beat Australia nashunal team in cirickate match. Easier ewen for my hippoppatamus op a wipe to win Miss Uniwerse. So por those who support the elepant party, only way to win is to send this bugger packing, by the hook or by the crook ewen. So Gossip Aiya hauing an idea how to achiewe this.

Now Gossip Aiya hearing the gossip that this Nodaking is partial to the male porm. Now this seems wery possible espeshally giwen this pello's history (ip you do not know this read my blog call "misportune pawours the brawe"). Anyway so ip this is true, this is what you hau to do. You must send a nice big istrong good looking pellow to put line to him. Someone like the bugger prom the Black Knight ads, he would look the part, and he also looking no so kelingma istraight himselp. Anyway so get the Black Knight to put a seduce to Nodaking, until one day they hau rented room in Hotel Janaki or somewhere like that to put the dirty acshun. Now Nodhaking who is used to receiwing many awards , donashuns and so on will no doubt also want to be on the receiwing end in this situashun. So what Black Knight must do is to pretend to get ready to clean Nodhaking's exhaust pipe, but at moment op entry, instead op putting you know what, when Nodhaking is not looking, insert sky rockat, quickly light the puse, and hook it out op the hotel room and run away like joka is on pire. (One can purchase prom any street vendor in Pettah. Gossip Aiya reccommand the Alidong Rathinna brand as they our the wery reliable and garanteed to light. Make sure you purchase good size skyrockat and not podi cracker as that will not hau desired eppect.) Now Nodhaking will be so distracted by ol these nice peelings in exhaust pipe that he will not realise that it is not the Black Knight that hau entered, but indeed something that is used to light up the black night, until it is too late. Then when rockat is ignited it will shoot up exhaust pipe, resulting in a wery painful yet somehow pleasurable end por Nodhaking.

Now many peoples reading this blog might get upset that Gossip Aiya is talking about such desparate things as bumping someone opp. It is true I am usually wery harmless bugger and would not think op doing such things usually. However this is unportunately the only way to rid the elepant party op this bugger, since ol other means hau been tried and pailed. Only thing lept to do is to istab in the back - or in this case in the backside.

Dishum dishum
Gossip Aiya

School op rocks

Today while putting a relax I hau been reading the Daily News newspaper. It giuing euriday the daily news happanings in our fine nashun op Rajapakistan. Usually Gossip Aiya only reading the isport secshun, but apter horrible matches these days I thout today maybe look at dipperent sechuns instead op the isport page, I will cry otherwise.

So today I reading article in local news secshun it called "Model school bag". I saw word "model" and got excited so put a read. This article though nothing about nice saxxy models, but something entirely dipparant. In pact this article is a dam joke and the person who wrote it should be hung by jokas upside down opp flagpole outside townhall por the crows to perch and put bog on. I will copy sechun op article por my fine readers to see (my readers op course much more disearning that readers op this "Daily News" rubbish). Anyway it telling this -

After many experiments and analysis the Ministry of Education has introduced a model schoolbag for schoolchildren since certain experts have pointed out that a heavy back pack carried by schoolchildren could be harmful to their physical growth.

The model schoolbag has been designed in line with the steps taken by the Education Ministry to minimize the weight of heavy schoolbag. Accordingly, the model bag which comes under the back-pack model along with waist band will be available in the market from next year.

From 2011 only the standard model schoolbag will be made compulsory for schoolchildren. Having analysed many models, a team of experts including doctors were deployed by the Education Ministry to look into the issues related to heavy schoolbag. Subsequently, they have designed this back-pack type school bag.

“We considered and analysed many bag samples even from England. Having considered several elements, this sample bag was introduced,” Commissioner for Education Publications N.M.J. Pushpakumara said.

Additionally, heavy text books will come as volumes from 2011 as they have been found to be the major reason for a heavy schoolbag.

Gossip Aiya hauing the many problams with this article. Pirst op all it telling this new ischool bag coming apter many "designs and exparimants" with "experts and doctors". They do not tell who are these so call "doctors"...maybe they ask Dr.Pan prom Chinese Herbal Medicine clinic in Kollupitiya. What will he know about ischool bags? He will be good por making green tea and waiting only. Also what kind op experimants can you do on ischool children to see how dipperant bags affact the growth? You telling me that 10 years ago they gawe a group op boys dipperant types of bag, put heawy books inside and told them to go euriday with that bag to ischool, and now 10 years later they looking and telling "ahh that pellow there is the shortest so that bag is the worst. this boy here look at him is big and as tall as coconut tree in my brotherinlo's cousins estate in Monaragala so this type op bag must be best por physical growth." Op course this bugger might be big not becos op bag design, but becos his parents are also coconut tree size, and euriday he eating tree bowls op the Samaposha and waiting. Or maybe they experimantating by putting big istones and rocks in dipparant dipparant bags, and dropping the boys prom Worlds End and seeing which boy hits the ground last and then they tell that bag is best por carrying heawy things.

Then the article telling that the best ischool bag is the backpack with the istrap. They telling this like it is some scientipic breakthrough op century. What a bunch op plamingos! This Educashun Commishuner Pushpukamara should join the author op article on plag pole. It like telling "Apter many experimants with many experts and doctors, Gossip Aiya hau pound that ip you throw something in air, it will come back down and hit you on head". Euribody already knows the backpack is best without these ninny's telling in paper like breaking news. That why ol the battas in Maligawatta already going to ischool with backpack! Do these so call experts think that they holding Sathosa sili sili bags and going? Or maybe they putting books on head and going like woman going to collect water prom well? Dam pools.

But the best thing about article is at the end. It telling that they hau pound that heawy text books only making the bags the heawy, so they are going to istart making the ismaller text books. Ip you are going solve the heawy bag problam, then what is the bloody point ispending money and getting Dr Pan and a bunch of muppets to experimant and throw boys op cliff to see which design is better por heawy backpack?!?! This some dam hairy flea inpested horse bollocks only.

So now isport secshun making me sad, but news sechun making me angry. Maybe now I will go to word jumble to make me feel better, with my supir top iniglis iskills i am sure to smash it lept right and centre!

Dishum dishum
Gossip Aiya

Party Planning

Halew. Now some time ago I put bloggage about my political ambishuns to put party. Now recently while in lat room, I was thinking with all sorts of muppet shows entering the politics, maybe it is time por a decent down in the earth bugger like Gossip Aiya to get opp buttocks and istart with this party putting business. (Op course could not acshually get opp buttocks then because I was on bog sending some isso wadey down exhaust pipe. I am ispeaking in the metaforically ispeaking.) So put a nice long think on bog as isso wadeys were taking a long time to make appearance, and decided to put tree wheels in motion and istart Gossip Aiya's political carear.

Now many op you might be knowing that already in Colombo there is tree wheel driwer who is big shot politishun. He liwes in White House opposite Viharama Devi park. He is king of park. Not only virahamahadevi park but ol tree wheel park. He is Colombo Mayor. All other tree wheel driwers lau him and hau the lot op respect por this bugger. Bepore he became mayor nobodies thout this would be possible. Taxi driwers, wan driwers and ewen bus driwers maybe become politishun, but not tree wheel driwer. We were looked down on by ol other driwers like something wrong with our genital objects. Ewen on roads we get pushed onto sidewalk by ol other wehicles that are bigger than tree wheel. Only driwers that are ismaller than us are motorcycles. But ewen them we cannot push op road, too iscared. One day Nil Batta pushed two buggers on motorcycle opp Marine Driwe, to see they were STF buggers going on patrol. Somehow the joker had not seen the two big pistole pointing up in air. Maybe he thout they were something else and got excited. Anyway bugger got petrifyed and bepore they could get up prom sidewalk he hooked it like Isuru Malli with his sarong on pire.

What I am trying to tell is that our belowed Mayor hau been por us tree wheel driwers like that Presidant Osama bugger in the Istates is por ol Aprican-Americans peoples. (Although I do not underistand why in the Istates there are so many Aprican-Americans peoples. Why do Apricans peoples and Americans peoples like to get prisky with each other so much and hau the Aprican-Americans babies? Gossip Aiya not underistanding the bus istand.)

Anyway, getting back to the tracks. Pirst op all must giu party nice name. Not like soththa boring names op elepant and betel leaf parties. My party will Pragathisheelee Prajathanthrawadaya Surekeemey Deshapreymee Vamaanshika Tree Wheel Peramuna (PPSDVTWP), in Tamil call Jananayagam Kudiarasu Thaesatatru Edathusari Tree Wheel Daesai Kachchi (JKTETWDK), and in Inigilish is call Liberal Democracy Protecting Country Loving Leftist Tree Wheel Party (LDPCLLTWP). Symbol will be hand. Euribodies will know my party as hand party.

Now you must wonder what Gossip Aiya will do ip peoples wote por me. One thing I will depinitely do is istop ol these peoples sending inapropriate massages to electronic latterbox. They call it the ispam. It is wery annoying and it telling dirty things but not in exciting way. Todays even I got one such latter. With great dippiculty I open latterbox and look to see heading of email goes like this “enlarge your pe*is size 3 inches in length and width”. Chikey. Not only is this the inapropriate but also the wery misleading por peoples who supper prom the ismall koli-kuttu (otherwise call the "Pawkie-Syndrome") and who are interested in such emails. Euen ip genital wand is size of magi noodle ip you increase width by 3 inches even horse will run away when you go near. You will have to spend money to hire some bucket like isuru malli to carry your wand around. So gossip aiya want to become king to catch people who sending these latters and send them on sight looking tour of siri siri lanka and leawe them in Wilpattu and go.

Now lunch time over no time to rite about party policies. Will do that next blog. But don’t porget, when putting wote, put hand party.

Dishum Dishum
Gossip Aiyah!

I don't know why!

Now our glorious team of Rajapakistan hau recently lost to a bunch of poached kiwipruits (I tell they are poached becos their nice suddha complecshuns hau become the red like ripe rambutan in the heat). We are losing to those soththas not just once, but once more apter that! (that mean the twice por the intellechshually challenged readers.) Dam shame no. great nashun loosing to a pruit. That is like Amaradeva losing singing competishun to a potato plant. Chick witharak! I thout those kiwi buggers are only good por doing dirty things with sheep, not the noble game op the cirickate. Only isport they are playing is some dum isport where you are trying to go porwards but throwing ball backwards and going, and players lifting other players up above the heads and looking up their shorts.

Now opcourse in the morning time when I am sitting on the bog area I am thinking of ways to making the world a better place por you and por me and the entire human race (apart prom bugger next door opcourse I want him to die but that’s a story por different day), so todays I am thinking thinking why our great cirikate team is playing like the devi ballika under 12 girls basketball team. Hoppfully some jockstrap op a cirickate selector bugger is reading this, so maybe my adwice can halp you do job proparly.

Problam is this. Prom the very pirst bigining we are istarting with rong poot porward. Now let me try and explain this by telling istory so ewen selector idiot can understand. Now long ago I used to hau a pighting cock (cock meaning chickan, i know you peoples thinking dirty things straight away no). Anyway, it was the best pighting cock in whole village. Euri pight it is winning winning, ewen beating cocks twice as big. He is wery pamous cock, ewen peoples prom next door villages coming to watch him pight. But then it islowly got old and istarted to loose some pights but istill good pighter. Then he got ewen older, and he become not so good pighter, but I thout newer mind he can istill pight. I made big mistake and sent it to pight one too many times and it ended up as chicken curry next day. Cirikare pollowers must be knowing what I am beating the bushes and trying to say. The great old man has got to go and take up commentary posishun where he can sit next to that goon ranjit pernando and continue to say things like ‘ THE india hau the very stong batting, THE dravid, THE tendulkar, and even THE gambhirs’. Ip he too old por that also, he can sit on side op road and polis peoples shoes with his shiny bald head.

Second op all our selectors hau to get over their unlike op the Kandamby. He is very goot cirickate player. Little bit pat but ip he is not allouwed to play the game and run around chasing boll how will he ever get thin no? Ip our Capitan Cool Mr.Ranatunga played and he the size op jumbo sausage roll 24 pack, then this bugger depinitely not too pat to play.

Third op all I will tell istory about another pighting cock I haued. This cock I thought was good pighter so I put and put in pights. But when he pight, he will put one or two nice attack but then lose and run away. But I kept giuing him chance thinking one day he will pight good. But he keep losing and losing until evenshually he also eneded up in curry. So like cock number two, that cotton house(Kapu-gedara) hau got to go and come back when he has grown some cellular matter inside his head cavity. When gossip aiya watch pirst forty cirikate match and saw cotton house play kakki shot gossip aiya got so angry and throw kadala in the air (then had to spend the rest of the inning picking up kadala. Dam devils woman that wipe wouldn't ewen giu halp)

Pipth op all we hau to bring in the big Maharoop (por peoples not watching so much the cirickate he is the tall black girappe-like looking bugger with neck like turtle) . He is the very pine bowler and he hit the ball also hard. It a shamepul shame that he is only there to keep the benches warm. As shamepul as bathing in the naked in the village well. At least Kandamby can do good job op keeping bench warm with such an opulant set op buttocks, but this Maharoop bugger is thin and bony.

Gossip aiya must say recent cricket perpormances making him very sad and angry at cirickate team. But that is only because I am big pan. I will ending today with some wise words uttered by Sri Lanka Cirickate Number One Pan the great percy abeysekara (pondly known to Gossip aiya as percy uncle)

“I love you srilanka, I love you I love you I love you. Until I die I love you, thopilata avurudu 25 cheer keruwa mona magulak dha yako mey koranney? (I have been cheering for you for 25 years what bollucks cricket are you playing)

Ip ol else pails and selector jokas don't listen to gossip aiya, only one thing lept to do to awoid the white washing in third game. Go to team hotel night bepore game and giu kiwipruit bus driwer nice arrak bothal and send him packing. Next morning go like bus driwer and instead op taking team to istadium, driu buss keling the istraight into the beira lake. Don't misunderstand i will keep doors opan por them to iscape so they won't drown. But prom iswallowing the beautipul clean beira lake water, they will surely contract some jungle illnass prom all the loose moshun the shanty buggers pass in lake, and will not be able to play por rest op tour.

Dishum Dishum
Gossip Aiyah!