I don't know why!

Now our glorious team of Rajapakistan hau recently lost to a bunch of poached kiwipruits (I tell they are poached becos their nice suddha complecshuns hau become the red like ripe rambutan in the heat). We are losing to those soththas not just once, but once more apter that! (that mean the twice por the intellechshually challenged readers.) Dam shame no. great nashun loosing to a pruit. That is like Amaradeva losing singing competishun to a potato plant. Chick witharak! I thout those kiwi buggers are only good por doing dirty things with sheep, not the noble game op the cirickate. Only isport they are playing is some dum isport where you are trying to go porwards but throwing ball backwards and going, and players lifting other players up above the heads and looking up their shorts.

Now opcourse in the morning time when I am sitting on the bog area I am thinking of ways to making the world a better place por you and por me and the entire human race (apart prom bugger next door opcourse I want him to die but that’s a story por different day), so todays I am thinking thinking why our great cirikate team is playing like the devi ballika under 12 girls basketball team. Hoppfully some jockstrap op a cirickate selector bugger is reading this, so maybe my adwice can halp you do job proparly.

Problam is this. Prom the very pirst bigining we are istarting with rong poot porward. Now let me try and explain this by telling istory so ewen selector idiot can understand. Now long ago I used to hau a pighting cock (cock meaning chickan, i know you peoples thinking dirty things straight away no). Anyway, it was the best pighting cock in whole village. Euri pight it is winning winning, ewen beating cocks twice as big. He is wery pamous cock, ewen peoples prom next door villages coming to watch him pight. But then it islowly got old and istarted to loose some pights but istill good pighter. Then he got ewen older, and he become not so good pighter, but I thout newer mind he can istill pight. I made big mistake and sent it to pight one too many times and it ended up as chicken curry next day. Cirikare pollowers must be knowing what I am beating the bushes and trying to say. The great old man has got to go and take up commentary posishun where he can sit next to that goon ranjit pernando and continue to say things like ‘ THE india hau the very stong batting, THE dravid, THE tendulkar, and even THE gambhirs’. Ip he too old por that also, he can sit on side op road and polis peoples shoes with his shiny bald head.

Second op all our selectors hau to get over their unlike op the Kandamby. He is very goot cirickate player. Little bit pat but ip he is not allouwed to play the game and run around chasing boll how will he ever get thin no? Ip our Capitan Cool Mr.Ranatunga played and he the size op jumbo sausage roll 24 pack, then this bugger depinitely not too pat to play.

Third op all I will tell istory about another pighting cock I haued. This cock I thought was good pighter so I put and put in pights. But when he pight, he will put one or two nice attack but then lose and run away. But I kept giuing him chance thinking one day he will pight good. But he keep losing and losing until evenshually he also eneded up in curry. So like cock number two, that cotton house(Kapu-gedara) hau got to go and come back when he has grown some cellular matter inside his head cavity. When gossip aiya watch pirst forty cirikate match and saw cotton house play kakki shot gossip aiya got so angry and throw kadala in the air (then had to spend the rest of the inning picking up kadala. Dam devils woman that wipe wouldn't ewen giu halp)

Pipth op all we hau to bring in the big Maharoop (por peoples not watching so much the cirickate he is the tall black girappe-like looking bugger with neck like turtle) . He is the very pine bowler and he hit the ball also hard. It a shamepul shame that he is only there to keep the benches warm. As shamepul as bathing in the naked in the village well. At least Kandamby can do good job op keeping bench warm with such an opulant set op buttocks, but this Maharoop bugger is thin and bony.

Gossip aiya must say recent cricket perpormances making him very sad and angry at cirickate team. But that is only because I am big pan. I will ending today with some wise words uttered by Sri Lanka Cirickate Number One Pan the great percy abeysekara (pondly known to Gossip aiya as percy uncle)

“I love you srilanka, I love you I love you I love you. Until I die I love you, thopilata avurudu 25 cheer keruwa mona magulak dha yako mey koranney? (I have been cheering for you for 25 years what bollucks cricket are you playing)

Ip ol else pails and selector jokas don't listen to gossip aiya, only one thing lept to do to awoid the white washing in third game. Go to team hotel night bepore game and giu kiwipruit bus driwer nice arrak bothal and send him packing. Next morning go like bus driwer and instead op taking team to istadium, driu buss keling the istraight into the beira lake. Don't misunderstand i will keep doors opan por them to iscape so they won't drown. But prom iswallowing the beautipul clean beira lake water, they will surely contract some jungle illnass prom all the loose moshun the shanty buggers pass in lake, and will not be able to play por rest op tour.

Dishum Dishum
Gossip Aiyah!