Kaudha bole Jim?

Now these days Gossip Aiya getting the pat. All the time istopping por eating at Pilawoos, Hijra, Raheemas and other posh establishmants whenever passing. Do not underistand why all good pood places in siri lanka hau kitchen and toilet right next to each other. vary opten dippicult to tell them aparts as both are equally clean (or in most cases equally dirty). But anyways the pood it is better than that rubbish my wipe makes por me. Recently even her kos mellum taking like puss mellum.

Anyway now problam is that these days I going to these places ol the time. Becoming the bad habit. Sometime ewen when on hire I hau to ishtop and eat. Some time hire getting angry, ewen though I offer to buy isso wadey por them. So as a result op eating and eating now getting pat. Big chinese rolls appearing on hips where earlier only ismall spring rolls. Now when I standing cannot ewen see toes because belly in way. (Other parts op body op course I hau not been able to see when standing por quite some time, don't misunderstand. That's why euriday putting hand party to make sure said organ is still there. Must note that said organ has always been Chinese roll and never ispiring roll.) Now you might ask, "Gossip Aiya you are anyway a pat bugger. Why are you getting worried about becoming patter when anyway belly is size of Dalada Maligawa?" Indeed there is benepits to becoming wery pat. Now stomak so big that there is no room por wipe and me both in bed. So she iscolding and iscolding but going to other room to sleep. Pirst time in 27 years I am isleeping in peace without that dam woman! Down side is when I putting walk people telling ‘ah there look gossip aiya is taking his pot for a walking’. Dam sons of cockroaches!

But there is bigger problam. Becos op extra weight, mileage op tree wheel getting less and less euriday. Even though rajapakistan king is try and try vary hard patrol prices still the high no...ewen gone up 10 rupees last week in spite op my ice cream oppering at Kataragama. Bloody joke only. Engine also sounding like man dying prom swine plue when climbing hills these days.

So yesterday I tell Nondi David about problam with newly pound patness. He telling to go to someone called "Jim" at Pitness Kingdom on ischool lane. He saying his brother Kondi David went to Jim when he became so pat that wipe would not do dirty things with him, and Jim made him thinner. ( whether thin or pat my wipe not wanting to do anythings with me. But that is not bad thing). Anywayside I am thought ‘ammataudu this must be some magic sudhdha like prom movie potta harry’. Niyamai! (the pantastic!)

So I go and go looking for Jim in place called pitness kingdom. (I thought maybe ill meet the king also there but he was not there. He must hau been on the temple tree house.)

So gossip aiya lipting sarong and going in. ammataudu I thought I had entered the mars (for all you godey buggers mars is planet like earth and moon, not chocolate). Peoples bending in all sorts of unholy ways like putting pooja, peoples sweating and the grunting and putting the snotty all over the places, while hauing backside pointing towards the moon. One dam pool was the panting panting and running on some alien machine but not going anywhere! Aniva defa this jim man was black colour magic man. Wery scary place. I thinking op leawing when some tall bugger with musskaals the size op Maskeliya ask me ‘mokadha yako’. Now I want to leawe but how to ignore such a big fellow, might get hammered. So i thout maybe can talk to Jim to see ip he is black magic pellow or good pellow like potta harry.

"Here appuhamy where is Jim? I hau come to see Jim."

"This is Jim sir."

"You are the Jim? Where is your magic istick? And where the white skin? You are as brown as Pilawoos toilet ploor (or kitchen ploor, not sure which). You are not Jim. Don’t be putting the talks from the backside."

"No I am not Jim. This is the Jim."

"What do you mean 'I am not Jim but this is Jim'. Are you trying to taking me on a wild mongoose chase on a full moon day you dam fool? Take me to see this Jim now without wasting my time you buffoon"

"Jim is here sir. Jim is not a person."

"Jim is not a person? Mona magullak dha? So what is he then, a chimpanzee? A tropical bird op some sort? Speak sense you bloody cow"

"Sir Jim is euriwhere in this place. Here is Jim. There also is Jim. That is also Jim. This whole room Jim Jim Jim euriwheres. Would you like to join Jim?"

Ammataudu...just as i thought, some black colour magic only. Devils place only this is. Jim is not a person, Jim is evil spirit, all these muscly Maskeliya men must be priests and all these peoples in funny tight rubber clothes bending and running in one place worshipping this Jim. And this bugger asking ip i am wanting to join Jim? Epa! I am thinking better get out op this place bepore the people in rubber cloths put rubber gloves and do an unporgettable magic class on me. So just like I coming in I am lipting sarong and running out. Ran and ran and ran from those scary looking muscly Jim-priests. Maybe that is how Kondi Dawid lost weight prom running away!

So word op adwice to all readers op all sizes. Better to look like preganant buppallo than go to Jim, no matter what any peoples say. Now I must go and put a word with that commode faced nondi david.

A wery scared and quiet dishum dishum

Gossip Aiya