Kaudha bole Jim?

Now these days Gossip Aiya getting the pat. All the time istopping por eating at Pilawoos, Hijra, Raheemas and other posh establishmants whenever passing. Do not underistand why all good pood places in siri lanka hau kitchen and toilet right next to each other. vary opten dippicult to tell them aparts as both are equally clean (or in most cases equally dirty). But anyways the pood it is better than that rubbish my wipe makes por me. Recently even her kos mellum taking like puss mellum.

Anyway now problam is that these days I going to these places ol the time. Becoming the bad habit. Sometime ewen when on hire I hau to ishtop and eat. Some time hire getting angry, ewen though I offer to buy isso wadey por them. So as a result op eating and eating now getting pat. Big chinese rolls appearing on hips where earlier only ismall spring rolls. Now when I standing cannot ewen see toes because belly in way. (Other parts op body op course I hau not been able to see when standing por quite some time, don't misunderstand. That's why euriday putting hand party to make sure said organ is still there. Must note that said organ has always been Chinese roll and never ispiring roll.) Now you might ask, "Gossip Aiya you are anyway a pat bugger. Why are you getting worried about becoming patter when anyway belly is size of Dalada Maligawa?" Indeed there is benepits to becoming wery pat. Now stomak so big that there is no room por wipe and me both in bed. So she iscolding and iscolding but going to other room to sleep. Pirst time in 27 years I am isleeping in peace without that dam woman! Down side is when I putting walk people telling ‘ah there look gossip aiya is taking his pot for a walking’. Dam sons of cockroaches!

But there is bigger problam. Becos op extra weight, mileage op tree wheel getting less and less euriday. Even though rajapakistan king is try and try vary hard patrol prices still the high no...ewen gone up 10 rupees last week in spite op my ice cream oppering at Kataragama. Bloody joke only. Engine also sounding like man dying prom swine plue when climbing hills these days.

So yesterday I tell Nondi David about problam with newly pound patness. He telling to go to someone called "Jim" at Pitness Kingdom on ischool lane. He saying his brother Kondi David went to Jim when he became so pat that wipe would not do dirty things with him, and Jim made him thinner. ( whether thin or pat my wipe not wanting to do anythings with me. But that is not bad thing). Anywayside I am thought ‘ammataudu this must be some magic sudhdha like prom movie potta harry’. Niyamai! (the pantastic!)

So I go and go looking for Jim in place called pitness kingdom. (I thought maybe ill meet the king also there but he was not there. He must hau been on the temple tree house.)

So gossip aiya lipting sarong and going in. ammataudu I thought I had entered the mars (for all you godey buggers mars is planet like earth and moon, not chocolate). Peoples bending in all sorts of unholy ways like putting pooja, peoples sweating and the grunting and putting the snotty all over the places, while hauing backside pointing towards the moon. One dam pool was the panting panting and running on some alien machine but not going anywhere! Aniva defa this jim man was black colour magic man. Wery scary place. I thinking op leawing when some tall bugger with musskaals the size op Maskeliya ask me ‘mokadha yako’. Now I want to leawe but how to ignore such a big fellow, might get hammered. So i thout maybe can talk to Jim to see ip he is black magic pellow or good pellow like potta harry.

"Here appuhamy where is Jim? I hau come to see Jim."

"This is Jim sir."

"You are the Jim? Where is your magic istick? And where the white skin? You are as brown as Pilawoos toilet ploor (or kitchen ploor, not sure which). You are not Jim. Don’t be putting the talks from the backside."

"No I am not Jim. This is the Jim."

"What do you mean 'I am not Jim but this is Jim'. Are you trying to taking me on a wild mongoose chase on a full moon day you dam fool? Take me to see this Jim now without wasting my time you buffoon"

"Jim is here sir. Jim is not a person."

"Jim is not a person? Mona magullak dha? So what is he then, a chimpanzee? A tropical bird op some sort? Speak sense you bloody cow"

"Sir Jim is euriwhere in this place. Here is Jim. There also is Jim. That is also Jim. This whole room Jim Jim Jim euriwheres. Would you like to join Jim?"

Ammataudu...just as i thought, some black colour magic only. Devils place only this is. Jim is not a person, Jim is evil spirit, all these muscly Maskeliya men must be priests and all these peoples in funny tight rubber clothes bending and running in one place worshipping this Jim. And this bugger asking ip i am wanting to join Jim? Epa! I am thinking better get out op this place bepore the people in rubber cloths put rubber gloves and do an unporgettable magic class on me. So just like I coming in I am lipting sarong and running out. Ran and ran and ran from those scary looking muscly Jim-priests. Maybe that is how Kondi Dawid lost weight prom running away!

So word op adwice to all readers op all sizes. Better to look like preganant buppallo than go to Jim, no matter what any peoples say. Now I must go and put a word with that commode faced nondi david.

A wery scared and quiet dishum dishum

Gossip Aiya

Rectal Cardio Bronchitis

Pirst of ol gossip aiya thinks hes is going to die. Apart from being a threewheel driver gossip aiya is also a selp proclaimed hypochondriac man. Last time I had a loose motion I ran around convinced I had the buttonic plague. However my recent cause of griep is neither cholera or my wipe ( who we shall not go into details about, the cunning annoying babbling bi*&^%.......better stop). So I have caught my death of flu. Now this is all very embarrassing. How am I going to face people once I am dead. People will want to know how I dided and how shameful it is when people will say ‘oh he got a cold and died’. That is like saying I fought with a mosquito and lost. People will think I am a top class soththa bugger. So I have deviced cunning plan. I have asked doctor friend to give me some names of illness and thereby conclude that I now have rectal cardio bronchitis. Symptoms are high pever and a couph
During my period of illness and going to get medicinal medicines from the dottor I have noticed that sri Lankans have a severe hatred for anything that vaguely resembles a queue. Sri Lankans are more ‘funnel’ people rather than queue people. If you have ever stood in a queue at government or otherwise hospital you will know. euribodies push like it is a contest. Ip Olympics hauing pussing contest sri lanka will finally be able to win a golden medals. The other day I accidentally stepped on some old womans foot while waiting for dottor and that old prune thought I was ‘ making a pass’ at her. Chikey! Better to go and make passes at rotten jack fruit. Anyways she and her umbrella had their way with me for the best part of ten minutes. This did not do any good for my rectal cardio bronchitis.
Apter getting the medicinal medicines gossip aiya did not drive tree wheel. In addition to not being able to stand istraight I didn’t want to give half of Colombo rectal cardio bronchitis. This did not make wipe very happy. So I watch cricket(this also did not make wipe happy) and I have seen a very interesting poster at the games. It goes “mohammed you-soop’. Now if your going to insult someone and the best thing you can do is call them item of food, atleast consult village elders and learn how to put ispelling. Soop is ispelld S.O.U.P. Otherwise you sounding like village idiot infront of whole universe. Or call them something you can ispell like ‘bunis’ or ‘wattakka mellum’
Also I have been requested to write more spicy stories so here goes. Specially for you I got nondi david to bring to my bedside an extra spicy chicken and cheese kottu. It was so spicy that I think this morning I set fire to my lat room. It was like Hiroshima and Nagasaki had done dirty things and had a baby. My poor backside must have been singing song by sister knowns as jessika mauboy called 'burn' ( please be putting a googly search if you are unaware what the hell tinkle bell is going on) luckily I take fire bucket to the toilet at all times. (as shown in picture. Pictorial copyrights crazylanka.)
So ladies and gentlemans please refrain from getting bitten by mosquitos always use good night mosquito coils so that you will wake up with rectal cardio bronchitis like my good selp.

Dishum Dishum
Gossip Aiyah!

Road trippage!

Pirst op all Gossip Aiya hau to say wery big "ishorry" to all pans for silence these days.

Ishorry.

Reason por this is I put trip the last week to some dam village without the Anna Dunna iSpeed Line (ADSL). I ask and they say only hauing the dial up. I told "Yako I don't want to dial up people i hau mobile por that, I need ADSL to put bloggage por pans" but they no understanding the bus stand, giuing me blank looks and waiting. Third class backward buggers only, not like us ingilis speaking Colombo peoples. When I came to village, all buggers putting looks lept right and centre at me like they newer seen tree wheel bepore in lipe, only bullock carts. (I later realise i hau biiiig tear in crotchal region op sarong. Maybe that why looking.) Anyway so I thout I would share experiances prom trippage. Wery boring trip but since euribody kurupying asking "Gossip Aiya why no bloggage" I thout better write bepore pans leawe to pollow Isuru Malli or some other soththapala.

Anyway i will start prom start op trip. Now that sad excuse for a woman I have married always on my case saying I am not taking her on pilgrim trip. She saying she wants to go and feed flowers to statues other than the ones at our local tample. Jobless woman only. Instead of feeding flowers to statue the dam woman should be feeding me, but no. Anyway to shut this devil woman up I thought I will take her to cater village ( knows as kataragama by the non ingilish ispeaking polk) so now pumping pull tank patrol to tree wheel and going. Going going going going. Istill going istill no cater village. Huka pochchi this place very par! Thankpully engine making loud noises so i could not hear wipe's yakking like yak.

Finally we are getting to town of tissamaharama. There be big tample vary nice. Under tample all the pellows wearing joka and bathing in drain like thing. Ammataudu. Gossip aiya also peeling hot and wanted to put a baths, but not wearing jokas. I ask wipe ip can bath without joka but she gawe kaney shot and shouted insults at me. But I use my isweet talking iskills and manage to convince one mudalali to giu me his apter he put bath so I can put bath. I wanted to at least dry joka a bit in sunshine bepore putting but wipe told no time. Chikey but what to do, better wet joka and bath than no joka and no bath. So wore mudalali's wet joka and put bath. (By the way Gossip aiya looking vary sasky in joka. Ol the peoples were putting a look. Wipe very jalus.) Apter bath put driwe and pinally got to tample of cater village.

Tample wery the nice tample. Gossip aiya notice euribodies taking basket op pruit and going inside temple. I ask shop man 'mokadha yako mey? (please explain kind sir?) I did not understand what he told properly but I understood that it was for some kind of seremony in the tample to make high up gods happy and ask them for favours in bad times (like when cow is dry, chickens are eggless, child is sick or mother-in-law is healthy.) So gossip aiya ask man 'mey, is the big man inside a pruitytarian? only swallowing pruits?" man look at me like I was trying to do dirty things to his cat so I leauve shop and go to other shop.

These days bad times por Gossip aiya, so thout i would also do seremony in tample to ask por high up gods to reduce patrol prices. But i hau very ishmart idea. so I think with my ishmart brain 'ahh no point taking pruits big man must be tired of pruits. Must take better thing. Ip high up gods happy with me i can ask for another pavour like ask for wipe to be eaten by leopard'. So I go to shop called 'kataragama hotel' and buy one roast chicken, one rice packet one gold leap cigarette and one ice kirim tubs. (don’t misunderishtand gold leap was por me not por anyone else). Ice kirim was por big man to eat with all the pruits. Pruits taste better with ice kirim. So i put seremony and ask por pavours. Now must wait and see what the happening with patrol prices.

With other pavour, I thout to make it easier por high up gods i would put detour past yala (where many leopards the liuing). I tell wipe 'now darling i am taking you to yala sapari park to see nice beautipul animals watering themselves in watering hole'. And so now going going to Yala.

So we arriwe in Yala but problam. they not letting me go inside park becos i am in tree wheel and not pour wheel. Huta pochchi. No driwing near leopard and turning tree wheel past so wipe palls out. Leopard will hau to come to Colombo and eat wipe only. I was also the looking porward to going and seeing buppalo sitting in mud puddle. But that one not big deal. Can just watch news and wait por them to show parliament pictures, all sorts of wild animals there.

So had to go back but getting dark and only place to stay is some seedy rest house. I hau to share single bed with wipe and because there are 2 other pamilies prom kataragama in the rooms, the place all smelling like pruit salad. Should hau istay in maligawatta. Atleast could hau put drank with nondi david.

Bepore I go must say the roads in the down souths parts of the country are the pantastic. Gossip aiya go to maximum ishpeed of 4 istroke tree wheel. Gossip aiya also saw so many pictures of the king that I think I will be seeing mustache and red iscarp in my isleep also. King king king euriwheres. And also here and there picture op state goat.

On that crab shell I will istop

Dishum Dishum
Gossip Aiyah

Galle road, tars is putting, minister also going, we ares also going, you arse also going!

Today ewening Gossip Aiya was roaming around looking for hire and scratching bollocks (wery hot day and Gossip Aiya wery sweaty), when he saw old old man close to expiry date putting hand out signalling por me to istop. I istop. Thank God pinally hire. The man took about halp hour to get in tree wheel, coffing and weezing. I was wondering ip this dam prune of a man has swine plue. I ask him where he want to go, and he say he want to go to kanatta, hawe a puneral to attand and he was wery late. Gossip Aiya say "I say sir, wery bad porm to get late for your own puneral, people must be waiting por you!" I laup. He didn't laup. I also realise maybe I was a bit too ismart (ismart mouth, not ismart arse). Now peeling bad.

So now going going going and try to put on to cemetery roads. Mala keliyai! Trappic in pront istop. No can go. I put head out of tree wheel and politely ask army bugger with big gun 'mey mokaddha yako?( kind sir what seems to be the problem). He pointed gun at me and I put head back inside very quickly. Some very important panditheya (VIP) must be going this way. I try to rewerse back, but already other vehiculars behind. Huka pochchi. Now stuck waiting for Rajapakistan king, state goat or some other minister to go by along with all the other bulletproof vehicals our bustling economy can appord. No wonder buggers are scared of peoples killing them when they make half the country wait in cars por them to go and buy maniyoks.

So now stuck por almost porty-fiwe minutes in trappic jammage. To make matters worse, old man in back of tree wheel is now coffing and ispitting all ower back of trishaw like a man possassed. Cussard bugger not ewen bothering to spit outside onto road because op joke i made. Main thing is i hope he doesn't hawe swine plue, or Gossip Aiya seththa pochchi!

So while sitting and waiting por goons to go in tinted jeeps, i thout of some ideas to keep one occupied during trapic jam. As the peoples pavourite mode of transport I thinking 'ah I should tell euribodies about my discoveries'. here are a pew things you can do -

1) put head outside of tree wheel and istart singing 'surangani' or 'yaman bando wesak balanna'. hopefully other peoples will join, and can hawe nice singalong. If army bugger points gun put head back inside. Istop singing. Go to options 2.

2) go to wehicles and take bets on which particular VIP is going to buy maniyoks. then go to army bugger and ask to find out who. Ip army bugger does not know make up a name. you will become rich man.

3) This one requiring some praparashuns. Go to kollupitiya market where there is always parking attadant in green uniporm. tap on shoulder and point at the isky saying "look at the isky". While attandant is looking at isky steal the uniporm and run like isuru malli. When you get caught in trappic jam, put on uniporm and go prom wehicle to wehicle handing out parking tickets and asking por money. Ip somebody making fuss, wave to army bugger with big gun and point to the driwer. Ip driwer liking head on top op neck and not in lappage op pront seat passenger he will pay.

4) Ip you are tree wheel driwer do the pollowing - put head outside tree wheel while on mobile phone, and crane neck as ip looking at front op kew. then suddenly pretend to cut call and wery loudly start tree wheel engine dishum dishum and full cut wheel. Depinitely next door driwer will get excited and put engine, then car behind also put, and like that put put put put put until euribody behind put. then turn engine back opp and get back on phone like nothing happened. Euribodys conpused not knowing what is the happening, except you.

Ip all this pails park in the middle of road and go to bakery and buy two malu banis and 2 kimbula banis and whack while you wait for dam fools to go and buy maniyoks and come.

Dishum dishum

Gossip Aiyah!

Party Putting

Some time ago on juicy juicy mambalam bloggage Gossip Aiya was putting talks about his politics party. Gossip Aiya is not big pan op Rajapakistan king, also not pan op Rajapakistan nodaking (ip you are not understanding the busstand please reper to earlier post entitled "Counting (Dead) Crows". Thank you come again.)

So I hau lot of pree time when putting rounds around Asiri looking por hire, or sitting in tree wheel park scratching bollocks and waiting. So in pree time Gossip Aiya thinking lot op things - por example how long wipe will liu, or why kulasekera in cirikat team.

One day Gossip Aiya putting thinking about uselessness op king and nodaking, and how I could to better job in temple treehouse. I hau lot op ideas to improwe country. I was telling Nil Batta about ideas and he also thout they were wery pantastical. “Machang,” he told, “pakshayak hadapiya, api chandey danawa anniva deffa!” (translation – Good man, put a party, we will put wotes anytime!). Other tree wheel driwers also agree while nodding head like drunk goat. But this is big comitmant, so like all big politicals peoples doing, i am going temple, mosque, church and pinally kowil asking por sign prom God whether i should put party. As I walk out op kowil, one crow came plying plying ower and put toilet droppings on head. Huta pochchi. Because I was in holy place I didn’t let filthy words escape from mouth. I look up at crow, thinking of whether to get catapult prom tree wheel and hammer when Ammatasiri! This no ordinary crow. This crow pull black, but one peather in tail pure white colour, as white as plags on top of Siripadha. I think, "This ispecial crow, not dead crow, but holy crow. So I thought "ammataudu! God himselp has sent crow to make signage on me."

But ewen God is iscared of wipe. So next I had to get wipe’s blassings. So I bought nice basket of lawariya (sri lanka isweet, cheaper than chocolate) prom woman sitting under tree, nicely ispray air preshner under arm holes, put extra pol thel in hair, put joka (which I borrow from nondi david) and go home. Putting nice ismile i go inside. Wipe is cooking kos mellum. I go and put hand on shoulder. Wipe got shock and turned around, and gawe patas slap across pace. This also I thought was a sign from God. Normal day she would have chopped something off.

“What is this dam nonsense!?” said wipe. Then she looking at me up and down. “Why you ismiling like jackass? Are you constipated? And what the hell is that dam smell” ( I hau told bepore no wipe very unculturedpul don’t know nice things)

“No, sudu” I reply (although wipe is anything but sudu, she is as black as burnt watalappam pudding). “I am just happy to come home to such beautipul wipe as you.” (I was hoping God was not watching, otherwise Gossip Aiya get one way ticket to the Hell place por telling such big lies) “See, I bought lawariya also to show my lau.”

Wipe took lawariya and look. Again gawe patas islap. “Gas balla!!! (gossip aiya will not translate as this is wery dirty prase.) You ispent so much money on this dam lavariya?? When I ask por money to fix leak in sink becos water going euriwhere in kitchen you say no money, when I ask money to buy onion you tell cook without onion, but you buy lavariya and come? Am I to paste this dam lavariya on sink leaks?? Do u hau brain in backside even?” Wipe think por a second. “Last time you brought me gipt you had lost your joka because of gambling, and time bepore that you drove tree wheel into wesak decoration. What idiotic thing did you do now you dam baboon??”

At this point, Gossip Aiya realise that wipe is in shuper dangerous mood. Maybe it is time op the month – thought op asking but maybe not good idea.

“No darling wipe, I hau bought gipt because today something the pantastic happen.”

Wipe looking wery suspishus. “What what is this you are talking? Kiyapiya (tell me quickly) I hawe things to do!”

Ammataudu most depinitely her time op month, but then again euriday like time of month. So I tell her ishtory about crow and God and Party. Stupid woman pirst thought I was going to hau dance party, not politics party, and gauve me another patas slap.

Pinally when she got it inside her cashewnut sized brain, she say “Moda mussilaya! (also unmentionably bad bad word) Hau you been out in sun too long?? Or has driwing ower potholes all these years turned your brain to jally pudding? You istupid pool, you think you can put politics party? You see a punny looking bird and think it God? Don’t know what ideas that halp-breed group of ismelly third-class Maligawatte nitwits hau put in the inside of your ismall head. Budu ammooo I don’t know why God curse me with such a good por nothing idiot por a husband! Go prom here bepore I hammer you with this cooking spoon! Get out! Where are you taking that lavariya, leave that and get out!”

Gossip aiya very upset, walking like lost balloon. Then bump into that dam fool isuru malli, but luckily he had botal so we go to nondi davids house and put drink and decide to put politics party without telling wipe. As usual iscared about wipe, but ip Gossip Aiya becomes king, he will hau power of army navy and air porces so maybe I will hau chance to go and get rid of that devils woman!

But por now I hau to go home and try not to get killed.

Dishum Dishum

Gossip Aiyah!

Temple Trees

There is old sri lankan proverb that the pish dies becos of his mouth. Gossip Aiya's pather used to constantly tell this to me when I used to be smart with him and he could not think of a good come back. The telling op this prowerb to me was usually accomponyed by patas shot across pace. Although these hammerations were dippicult to handle, now thanks to dear father i hau wery decent mouth, unlike potty mouth of wipe. Her father (dam third class drunkard) was too busy putting line to village women at the well to bother about daughter's behawior. Had i known true nature of the man earlier i newer would hau married into that cursed pamily...but that's another story.

So..."the pish dies becos op his mouth". Now por this saying to hau serwiwed so many years, there must be something true about it, but Gossip Aiya pails to understand where truth lies. Pish is not died because of mouth. The pish is dies because of pishing net and pisher man. When the net is put, mouth or no mouth pish is catch. After that gone. Straight into ambulthiyal.

But gossip aiya must agree to a certain extent with old man who thought of such proverb. People in general have very big mouths. And when I say big I don’t mean big as in big enough to be able to fit two cheese kottu one malu banis and two egg roti ol at the same time. Big mouth mean talking poppycock nonsense euriday. Like one treewheel driwer in park, who says he does dirty things in back of tree wheel with ewery hire that goes in his tree wheel (Gossip Aiya hopes por his sake he means ewery female hire). Anyway this is most depinitely a fabrication (that means lie, not something prom garment factory), especially since this particular bugger smells like horton place patrol shed and has pot belly the size of pregnant woman. This kind of big mouth that results in people thinking you’re a 'ismart arse' (another saying Gossip aiya does not understand. If your trying to be too smart you must be called ismart mouth, not ismart arse. If your backside can do the accounts for ariyapala stores while writing a screenplay por new Ranjan Ramanayake pilm then you should be called a smart arse.) Now one might ask why suddenly I am thinking about big mouth peoples. Something that happened to poor Gossip Aiya today only put all these thouts in head.

So gossip aiya is very religionful man. Euri poya day I go into garden, look at pull moon por hours and wait (good iscuse not to go inside house and hau to talk to wipe). Euri Sunday I drive tree wheel to church (mainly to catch a hire apter serwice pinis) and on Ramadan time I eat lot of buriyani (although all year I am eating lot of buriyani, not only Ramadan time). So today I go to temple with wipe because she wanted to feed flowers to a statue or something of the sort. Silly womans.

Now temple is peacepul place. This particular temple hau lot of temple trees (apparently Rajapakistan king liwes in treehouse there but Gossip Aiya hau not seen). Anyway in temple lots of peaceful things are supposed to happen and you should be able to hau peaceful thoughts.

But this fine day I sit down under temple tree, bathe in jasmine stick smoke to become peaceful (and drive off dam mosquitos) when I hear three womans talking very loudly. Now this is the too much. Peaceful place these womans are putting talks about how the next door man is reading the papers without shirt and how the mason baas next door winks at them while showering in his jokas. Chikey! What kakki thoughts to put into holy place. So gossip aiya got very angry I go upto them and go 'YAKO! KATA WAHAPIAU, wal geniy!' (directly translated this mean 'my good ladies please refrain from such talk in this holy and sacred place of worship. Thank you)

Then huka pochchi. These uncultured village women started hurling all kinds of abuse at me por eurione to hear. The abuse was so bad that the statue would hau choked on the flowers my wipe was trying to feed had it heard. I also got very iscared. Tried to run away but that dumb woman wipe of mine had heard the commotion and come running up, hitching up white sari and with look of death on pace. Whereever there is a pight you will find my wipe. I should name her Waliyalatha. So then she started shouting at them and they back at her and at same time wipe is shouting at me and other peoples in temple are shouting at them and me and then the priest started shouting at eurione until poor Gossip Aiya's ears were ringing opp the hook. So I came home and thought I should tell about my esperience. If you are thinking of going to temple with lot of trees don’t go now. My wipe is there with her big mouth. I wonder how long it will take for her to notice I am missing.

Dishum Dishum
Gossip Aiyah!

Ado Fdo!

Goshipp aiiyaaa....ishmall problemsh here,
next door neighbor girl reports to the polishe that im a peeping tom!
polishe com to mii housh and beat me senselesh. mii lips are swollen, ii cant say Sh (s).
Wot to do aiiya, shall we kidnap her for the kinndi vade of going to the polishe?

Sa Fdo Fliibwoii


Halew. Pirst op all Gossip Aiya wery conpused by your good name. What is this Sa Fdo business? Sounds like Aprican tribal language name, like Pumbaa prom kingdom of lion (in case you also conpused watch Lion King and you will understand the bus stand). But then you are saying your name tom. Now ip you don’t even know your own name no wonder the police hammered you!

Second of all, Gossip Aiya must say no matter ip your name Pumbaa, Samba, Tomma or Kurumba you must not peep. Ip you must peep, Gossip Aiya has prowided two option (not Janashakthi which is Full Option). Pirst option, please call Gossip Aiya to take you on hire to Majestic City in night. On fourth floor of this said city is 3-star establishmant (even Gossip Aiya thinks its a bit dodgy) where for paltry fee of rupees 150 (plus tree wheel hire) one can peep and peep till one’s heart (and other organs) are content. Second option inwest in wery past internet connection called ADSL (Anna Dunna iSpeed Line) and peep anytime dayly nightly ewer so rightly pree of charge (but hawe to pay monthly charge por internet). You can use Internet Explorer to explore the many dipperent types of lauly ladies, or Firefox to peep at foxy ladies whenewer the mood strikes. Now depending on frequency of peepage you hawe to decide which option (Majestic or ADSL) is best to suit your needs.

Also ip the police are come to catch you you must do what isuru malli is doing. Lipt up sarong until buttocks are smiling at oncoming traffic and run like the wind on a windy day. However prom your ispoken ingilish I can gather that the police hau indeed beaten you senceless until not only your lips swollened but teeth knocked upwards into brain causing brain also to become swollen. But don’t worry. Next time run.

Gossip Aiya hawe newer heard op such thing as “kidnap”. Why do you want to put peep while ismall girl is sleeping? Nondi David’s father, Pandi David got caught doing similar things and now is counting the bars in Welikada Prison. Sin for Nondi David, no wonder he is such an angry man. So Gossip Aiya strongy urges you to stop this kidnappage as you might also end up next to Pandi David in prison cell apter police beating you senseless once more. God knows what will happen to you then, presumably same thing that made Nondi David such an angry person.

In case you don’t heed this grave warning and continue in these dirty habits, please inwest in wine bottle cork, so that cawities can be protected in event of soap droppage in prison showers.

Dishum Dishum
Gossip Aiya