School op rocks

Today while putting a relax I hau been reading the Daily News newspaper. It giuing euriday the daily news happanings in our fine nashun op Rajapakistan. Usually Gossip Aiya only reading the isport secshun, but apter horrible matches these days I thout today maybe look at dipperent sechuns instead op the isport page, I will cry otherwise.

So today I reading article in local news secshun it called "Model school bag". I saw word "model" and got excited so put a read. This article though nothing about nice saxxy models, but something entirely dipparant. In pact this article is a dam joke and the person who wrote it should be hung by jokas upside down opp flagpole outside townhall por the crows to perch and put bog on. I will copy sechun op article por my fine readers to see (my readers op course much more disearning that readers op this "Daily News" rubbish). Anyway it telling this -

After many experiments and analysis the Ministry of Education has introduced a model schoolbag for schoolchildren since certain experts have pointed out that a heavy back pack carried by schoolchildren could be harmful to their physical growth.

The model schoolbag has been designed in line with the steps taken by the Education Ministry to minimize the weight of heavy schoolbag. Accordingly, the model bag which comes under the back-pack model along with waist band will be available in the market from next year.

From 2011 only the standard model schoolbag will be made compulsory for schoolchildren. Having analysed many models, a team of experts including doctors were deployed by the Education Ministry to look into the issues related to heavy schoolbag. Subsequently, they have designed this back-pack type school bag.

“We considered and analysed many bag samples even from England. Having considered several elements, this sample bag was introduced,” Commissioner for Education Publications N.M.J. Pushpakumara said.

Additionally, heavy text books will come as volumes from 2011 as they have been found to be the major reason for a heavy schoolbag.

Gossip Aiya hauing the many problams with this article. Pirst op all it telling this new ischool bag coming apter many "designs and exparimants" with "experts and doctors". They do not tell who are these so call "doctors"...maybe they ask Dr.Pan prom Chinese Herbal Medicine clinic in Kollupitiya. What will he know about ischool bags? He will be good por making green tea and waiting only. Also what kind op experimants can you do on ischool children to see how dipperant bags affact the growth? You telling me that 10 years ago they gawe a group op boys dipperant types of bag, put heawy books inside and told them to go euriday with that bag to ischool, and now 10 years later they looking and telling "ahh that pellow there is the shortest so that bag is the worst. this boy here look at him is big and as tall as coconut tree in my brotherinlo's cousins estate in Monaragala so this type op bag must be best por physical growth." Op course this bugger might be big not becos op bag design, but becos his parents are also coconut tree size, and euriday he eating tree bowls op the Samaposha and waiting. Or maybe they experimantating by putting big istones and rocks in dipparant dipparant bags, and dropping the boys prom Worlds End and seeing which boy hits the ground last and then they tell that bag is best por carrying heawy things.

Then the article telling that the best ischool bag is the backpack with the istrap. They telling this like it is some scientipic breakthrough op century. What a bunch op plamingos! This Educashun Commishuner Pushpukamara should join the author op article on plag pole. It like telling "Apter many experimants with many experts and doctors, Gossip Aiya hau pound that ip you throw something in air, it will come back down and hit you on head". Euribody already knows the backpack is best without these ninny's telling in paper like breaking news. That why ol the battas in Maligawatta already going to ischool with backpack! Do these so call experts think that they holding Sathosa sili sili bags and going? Or maybe they putting books on head and going like woman going to collect water prom well? Dam pools.

But the best thing about article is at the end. It telling that they hau pound that heawy text books only making the bags the heawy, so they are going to istart making the ismaller text books. Ip you are going solve the heawy bag problam, then what is the bloody point ispending money and getting Dr Pan and a bunch of muppets to experimant and throw boys op cliff to see which design is better por heawy backpack?!?! This some dam hairy flea inpested horse bollocks only.

So now isport secshun making me sad, but news sechun making me angry. Maybe now I will go to word jumble to make me feel better, with my supir top iniglis iskills i am sure to smash it lept right and centre!

Dishum dishum
Gossip Aiya