Sunday, 25 November 2012

Too sick to think op title but please read

Gossip Aiya is sick. Dam sick in fact. What began as ismall sniffling sniffling now become some dam jungle fevers only. Cannot move, cannot stay the still also. Nose is red like that Rudolf bugger, sarong is green from blowing said nose. Chikey.

Now in these sad situashuns, one usually can rely on ones chosen partner in lipe to be looking apter and say things like "aney sin only" and boiling kothamali and giuing. Nondi Dawids wipe ewen doing dirty dirty things to him to make him feeling better when he sick. As a result that sneaky bugger pretending ol the time to be sick when he is healthier than even that boy eating eating samaposha on TV ad. Anyway that is another istory.

Now when I am sick, my dam baboon of a wipe not doing any of these things. (That said ip she tried to do dirty things to me poor Gossip Aiya might get nightmares on top of other simptoms.) She talling me "You useless bugger don't act like ismol baby, stop whining and get up and go on hire" and other hurtpul things like that. Then she coming with toilet brush and chasing me outside. This time though, I am peeling so below the weather that even constant scoldings and yellings prom wipe not moving me prom bed. So pinally she talling me to go to her sisters brotherinlos daughter who is doctor in Kottawa. So I went to see this person. At once as I went into oppice, she putting one look up and down and then without asking queshuns ewen she writes paper and gius and send me to pharmacy. 5 dipperent medicines only! One to take bepore the isleep, one to take apter the meals, other one bepore the meals, one with the meals, other one instead op the meals, and so on. Poor GA wery conpused.

Anyway I am going home and istraight away before I can take jungi off ewen, wipe coming with water and giuing and talling "here now take take medicine soon soon". Now this make Gossip Aiya the wery suspishus. I am beginning to thinking maybe this so coll sisters brotherinlo's daughter is in pact not sisters brotherinlo's daughter. And maybe this "medicine" is not to send me just back abowe the weather but another 6 feet under the weather only. So I try to say later later but she gawe me thundering look and got so iscared I took medicine. But Gossip Aiya can olso be sneaky. so ewen tho I take medicine I not really taking medicine but keeping under tongue. And when wipe was sweeping gardens I took it out, crush it and put in wipes cup of tea. Tee hee hee! Now wipe catching me looking looking at her closely and now she giuing me suspishus looks and asking "what are you looking at" so I talling "I just looking at you and thinking how lucky I am to hau truly beautipuls wipe like araliya plower in the full blooming" but I think she not buying it.

Wish me luck!

Dishum dishum

Gossip Aiya

P.S. Today no funy picture. Gossip Aiya put googly image search por "jungle fever" to see what pictures coming, but ol sorts op dirty dirty things only coming! So as this is family blog, cannot put such things. But the more seedy op my pans should go and put said googly search and see.

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Coll me Gossip aiyah

today in glorious nashun of sri lanka cricket is istart. this is very excite for gossip aiya whose other porms of entertain are being taken away by king. king has put kong on gossip aiyas pavourite aktivities of drinking by giving for lies reason like "ah today no drink it is week of poya, today can not drink because it is week bepore week op poya" not only king is putting downer on the ispirits but putting downer in other arials (like kollikuttu) also by putting underwears like barriers (below the buriyas) on all the interweb sites with all the nice kumaris. euritime i is going it is say 'content is being blocked' content blocked only, somenights GA wake up with content euriwheres on sarong. chi! therepore GA hau new pass time of listening to ingiligh radio istashun in the pree time ( which is very much high these days apter those soththa nano cab buggers hau come with their meters, if i catch those useless buggers i will put their meter up their exhaust pipe until the charges reaches many thousands) anyways so listening to engilish songs. ammatasiri! not like song by sunil santha englihs song much more betters than kumari ful website! one man telling the chennai super king whistle podu song to a girl saying "aney nangi blow my whitle please" but we are all know by whistle he is really mean his handbrake. chick witharak. i olso like cheeky man ( not buttock cheeky but joke cheeky ok) went with 10 rupee yellow whistle to a police nangi and said "can you blow my whistle baby?" and got one nice kaney shot ( as this funny man called jehan say ( not mubarak he is only funny when he is batting) "one thundering slap" ) olso there is some pat yellow man ( no not the simpsons man some other man) who is telling oppum gannam istyle and jumping up and down like some dam hooligan. GA is very learnful but he is no idea what is this meaning. from his size i can only thinking it must mean "pass me the fried rice" that got me thinking. why our buggers are not making random songs and making money and bringing more glory to glorious nashun of rajapakistan? (other than we are already being so glory ful that we do not have the ispace for this extra glory) why not some nice man like kandamby come in song saying "deepung ulundu vadei" ( dear sir kindly pass me one numbers of that fine fried lentil balls) or something equally silly? i think that is what will get GA enouhg money to buy nano cab. now tell me who has seen princess op englands mambalams? not because king has put chakablast on that also.... Dishum Dishum

Wednesday, 11 January 2012


My goat. 43 ol out. What a shamepul situashun. Gossip Aiya today hanging nashunal plag at halp mast (when i say halp mast acshually mean halp arial as I hau no mast on tree wheel but hau arial) in memory op the untimely death op cirikate team. These southern aprican buggers running around like cocks-in-a-hoop and our buggers hanging heads and crying like Tom Dooley only. Chikey. OK so maybe they hau some tall alien looking Morkel character running in like he has firecracker lodged up backside, and bowling on pitch that hau more bounce than Nondi Dawid's man bosoms. But still. 43. 43!! Something depinitely rong.

Now lot op smart alecs talking on radio and newspapers like they know it ol. Like apter pirst test they talling that team cannot beat not only South Aprica A but cannot beat South Aprica under-15 B side. Apter second test those SAME fooligans talling we are world beaters, champions blah blah blah de blah and so on and so porth. Bloody useless hacks. I tell them to shutup and wait.

Now I hau been looking at this book op pace olso apter this mammoth defeat and some buggers talling "Dilshan must go", some other buggers talling "Dilhara must go" some other buggers talling " that iscrawny half man half chicken Kula must go". OK maybe that last one was me. But I talling bepore anyone coming or going, these good por nothing politishans should get their act together and pay these poor buggers. They go around voting new interim committees eury other week and walk around looking important in luxury wehicles and ol. What Gossip Aiya cannot underistand is that ip we can appord to host commonwealth games and ply hundreds op buggers to carribean to shake hands and shake other things, how can we not appord to pay 11 buggers to represent king and country in only isport we are half good at? (I am not counting pocket billiards altho one can argue that it is olso a nashunal isport) OK maybe the senior players make enuf money adwertising por Dialog, Mobitel, Celltel, Airtel, Anytel and Ewerytel, but these new buggers can't get an endorsemant ewen prom Harischandra Noodles.

It like this. Imagine you hau maid. You tall maid to come to work ewery day. But you don't pay maid. Then you go and complain to neighbours and bread shop man and barber and ol talling that maid is not doing good job and burning your papadams. Gossip Aiya hau to say you are lucky maid ewen shows up to work, and that the only thing she is burning is your papadams! Same thing with cirickate team. Ip this hau happaned in some suddha country like England by now the players would be talling "Sod this, I'm off to the pub". Meanwhile our buggers istill gamely facing up to Morkel and crew sending bolls plying into ribs like homing missiles. I tip my hat to you sirs.

That said, I don't hau hat and ewen ip I had one I don't know how to tip it. I know only how to lipt sarong, but maybe not the occassion por such an acshun. So will sit and wait.

Dishum dishum
Gossip Aiya

Saturday, 29 October 2011

On line to put line

Halew Pans!

So you must be ol asking "Where this bloody Gossip Aiya, long time no ispeaking". It is true. To tall the truth, last 6 month hau been wery dippicult time por me. Basically this what happan.

One night, it was wery hot night. Gossip Aiya isweating isweating and waiting. Moskitos olso euriwheres coming close singing in ear and going. Put Good Night coil, what bloody good night. Wipe olso isnoring beside me like nasally congested baboon. So I get up, put sarong and stand outside. Nothing happan outside. So come inside and put tv box. Nothing happan on tv box, only nashunal plag plying plying and some jockstrap singing namo namo matha. So what else to do but put hand party? So Gossip Aiya tipitoed back to bedroom, check to see wipe istill past asleep, then put computer on. Now wotching quite interesting things on internet (better not describe as i know some pans are istill wery ismolls, ip you want to know what Gossip Aiya talking about go to wotch brand new feature film at Roxy). Anyways these things on internet so interesting Gossip Aiya did not hear this aforementioned unsightly sounds prom bedroom suddenly istop. These things so interesting Gossip Aiya did not hear footsteps coming closer. Gossip Aiya only realise the ill fate that was about to befol him when wipe iscream "THAMUSAY MONAWADHA KARANNEY??!!" and other unmenshunable words. This was swiptly pollowed by kaney shot to end ol kaney shots. Poor Gossip Aiya was sent running prom house so fast no time ewen to tie sarong.

So since then wipe hau colled SLT and now we hau no broadband. Only band in house is rubber band. Wipe olso threaten "ip i hear you are going to internet capey and doing dirty dirty things i will cut your mambalams opp when you are isleeping" so Gossip Aiya wery iscared and hau been what you technologicals peoples colling "oppline". Now come online wery quickly to put line to dear pans (wipe hau gone to dhaney op sister's husband's motherinlaw's goat or something in Seenigama).

Anyways, lot op things happaning in Rajapakistan since I tolk last. Onerable and noble King hau done many onerable and noble things por our peoples (while Nodhakin doing not so onerable and noble things to swimming pool cleaning boy). Euriwhere looking, new buildings, bridges, roads and so many other things. Now galle road is so plat, ewen 30 year old tata lorries gliding as ismooth as babys buttocks. You can go prom colombo to bentota in same time that it takes to brush ones teeth. (op course Isuru Malli will not underistand that statmant as he does not know what this teeth brushing business is. his breath is so odorful that he can curdle milk by exhaling prom 10 meters away) We ewen recently hau inaugaral "South Asian Beach Games" in Hambantota. That is ip you coll a volleybol team prom Nepal, two sailors prom Bangladesh that had probably lost their way and 20 spectators an internashunal isporting ewent.

Now onerable king hau gone to Australia to rub noses with Queen and other buggers op this common wealth (hopefully not rubbing anything else). Maybe he should talk to Australian prime minister as we hau lot in common. Both countries hau good crickating team. Both countries hau convicts and unsawory characters running freely on the istreets. Both countries olso hau wery problematic nashunal carriers. (Por those who are not wery upto date with current appairs unlike Gossip Aiya, Kwantas airline hau been kept on ground by labor dispute, while one op our fleet was caught in Paris last week with engine about to fall off.)

Anyways Gossip Aiya is going por seshun with ol the usual suspects to celebrate day op freedom bepore wipe comes back. Hopepully she will come on new road so quickly she will be in Puttalam bepore she realise she hau missed Colombo. Can giu me time por one last hand party.

Dishum Dishum
Gossip Aiya

p.s. Grease yaka came to put part in Nondi Dawid's house last week. Nondi cought the bugger and shoved a broomstick up where sun not shining. Too bad that was the one place there was no grease.

Monday, 28 February 2011

Pinally bloggage!

Pans I am back and on the line!!The wery sorry por the wery long time period op inactiwity. I hau been working days and nights and ewen preshus apternoon napping time to save monies to buy plat iscreen to wotch cirickate world cup pinal. You will be wery glad to know that I hau today purchased said plat iscreen prom Abans showroom - it is so plat that ewen Murali couldn't turn a boll on it! By the way those Abans buggers are dam cussard buggers. When I walked in wearing batas and sarong some soththa pello coming and shooing me out like some cockaroach talling "here here inside only customers, ip you want to wotch tv then wotch prom outside like ol other peoples". How the bloody cheek. When he saw envelope I was holding pull op notes with king pace on opcourse he starting bowing bowing saying "sorry sir yes sir no sir tree bags pull sir" and ol that. Bugger got what he deserwed though. As the jockstrap was bending ower to lipt tv box to put in my tree wheel i walked right in pront op him and let rip one ungodly googly only straight into pace! tee hee hee

So anyway, on Saturday I am hauing ismoll party in newly baptised "platscreen room" (not to be conpused with "latreen room"). Ol prends are coming - Nondi Dawid, Nil Batta and other buggers prom tree wheel istand. I hau olso asked Isuru Malli to come oltho that bugger knows as much about cirickate as Soththapala in opposishun knows about winning elechuns. Thankpully wipe is going to her relashuns village so we can put party in peace without dam woman screeching at me like chimpanzee to turn down volume.

Now I know some peoples are worried about our boise going and playing dirty chapathi boise in their own dirty chapathi country. Ewen tho onerable noble king is making good use op our tax rupees to fly himselp and 30 op his crew to Mumbai to giu our boise moral support, we will indeed be outnumbered. Gossip Aiya tho thinks we should "take out the positiwes" prom the situashun (like hearing ol the time prom captain op team that got trashed in post-match interview). Our boise don't hau to be worried about the pollowing things with the chapathis hau to worry about ip they do not play well -

a) hauing bottles/istones/warious rubbish/aloo gobi/dirty underwear thrown at them prom pans in the istand
b) hauing their houses istoned/set on pire
c) hauing euri cirickate pundit and their dog talking dirty things about them por next four years
d) getting set upon in dressing room by a wery angry and drunk Navjot Singh Sidhu cursing them in ol sorts op ingenious and nonsenical ways (something like "ip ips and ands were pots and pans, i will drag you outside and shoot you in the street like the dogs you are")
e) losing millions op rupees in adwertisemants por sopt drinks, clotheswear, motorbikes, tampons and other things (prom what I hear our buggers are giwen 5000 rupees and a lunch packet to do a TV ad)
f) ip they get really thrashed, hauing to relocate to some remote willage in Mongolia and take fake names like Gengis Kan to escape prom murderous public

Therepore my in depth analysis suggests that chapathis will supper prom "home disadwantage".

So par I hau to say I am wery conpident in our boise abilities. Only worry is middle order. Can't blame the buggers olso becos they hau hardly had a chance to play. I think Dilshan and Upul should hau retired in England game to giu them chance to hit themselwes into porm against such a schoolboy bowling attack (as boycott says, ewen my achchi could bowl better than those goons). Anyway cannot be helped. Only thing Gossip Aiya suggests sending Silva and Sam the Man to "school op hard knocks" to practice polladi techniques bepore Saturday.

Anyway, here is wishing our boys ol the best (not prom LG and Abans but prom Gossip Aiya). Let's show those nose-picking never-washing street-defecating gulab jamuns what our lions are made op. Jayawewa!!

Dishum dishum (ara ara ara aroooo)
Gossip Aiya

Friday, 24 December 2010

Merry the Christmas!!

To ol my near and dear Pans

On this wery pestiwe and joyus day op ol days, Gossip Aiya would like to wish you ol "Merry Christmas" - or as one vocabularitically challenged radio stashun talling, "Merry Kissmas". I set alarm today at midnight to wake up wipe and wish Merry Christmas, but bloody woman gawe me a tight slap and sent me on my merry way only.

I would olso like to take this opportunity to thank ol pans in the Rajapakistan and in the many corners op the world por kind pollowing and paithfully reading ol this bollocks i am posting ewery so opten in warious stages op drunkenness. I hope you are lauping as much when reading as I laup when I see Isuru Malli getting chased by mad dogs down Nawam Mawatha.

Today plan is to hammer bothal op coconut wine (brought by Nondi Dawid and not by coconut mafia) and put a paduru party with ol tree wheel buggers prom Maharagama tree wheel istand. Then we is to go around colombo in tree wheels, go near rasthiyadu buggers on side op road and throw crackers at them and laup. Ewery year these soththa buggers throwing throwing as I am going on hire so this year we hau decided to giu them taste op their own medicine.

In conlushun, Gossip Aiya would like to end with sapety message to ol pans. By ol means drink. By ol means driwe. But please do not drink and driwe. Espeshally on these roads - ip you hit pothole, bothal will spill olllll ower sarong and pront seat and your wehical will ismell like Dematagoda Distillary plant until February!

Ok now going back to sit on paduru bepore that drunken monkey Nil Batta pinises ol the coconut wine.

Dishum Dishum (falalalala la la la la - hic!)
Gossip Aiya

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

Sun shining, wipe whining

Now por those following my postings on the book op pace, you will know that poor Gossip Aiya hau been marooned on roop por last few weeks with dam curse op a wipe as whole house hau got the plooded por the rains. raining cats and dogs and all sorts of wild animals only.

Anyway, suddenly one day rain istop! Now por two days I waited still on roop to see ip this was what they coll optical illushun. Then i realise not illushuning me at ol but acutally rain istop. So came down and istarted cleaning house. Ol pots and pans gone in ploods, but most upsetting thing por Gossip Aiya is whole licker collecshun gone as almeira has pollen. 3 botals op Mendis gone. 2 bothals Lion extra istrong gone. Ol that is ok but bothal op Green Label Nondi Dawid gawe me prom Dutipree gone!! Aiyoooooo. Like old saying goes, "water water euriwheres but not a drop to drink."

Anyway bloody hard work cleaning house. But whenewer I am taking break to bend over and wipe sweat with sarong, dam wipe coming and iscolding "Here wat is this! such a big oaf you are but when it comes to doing housework you are as useless as a mongoose in a bakery." then she kicking my backside and shouting por me to get back to work. Apter three solid hours op this torment I had enup. So now I am back on roop. Wipe is looking por me but she will not think I am here tee hee hee

In other news, it seems Great and Noble King hau gone to country op Great and Noble Queen to giu ispeech only to come back with tail between legs. (Gossip aiya not pully underistanding this saying, as where else does one expect one's tail to be ip not between legs)

Anyways, apparently ispeech was named apter Kings paworite comedy film, and was coll "how to lose prends and imprison people". Unportunately there was big hoo haa and ispeech was colled opp as there was fears of someone throwing shoe or sock or other warious pieces of apparel at King. Poor King was pollowed by a mob euriwheres shouting mean things. Even peoples protesting outside SriLankan airlines oppice holding obsene signs like "Nashunal Carrier, remove Nashunal Cariya prom this country". Amidst ol this King ended up being trapped in hotel - at least if it was nice place then no harm, but onerable King has tried to save tax dollars by staying in some third class rest house coll "The Dorchester". Sin only.

Anyways now can hear wipe isnoring. It sound like walrus with sore throat. Must take chance to islowly climb down and run to licker istore and replenish supplies op the coconut water. Wish me luck!

Dishum dishum
Gossip Aiya