Sunday, 28 March 2010

eh? Khan?

These days ol ismall girls and boys crying crying in tuk tuk telling "Aiyoooo A Khan not coming A Khan not coming". Who is this Pakistani joker euribodies is talking about, I thought. So I asked Isuru Malli who this A Khan bugger is and why he is hauing problems coming. Then I heard this bugger is big hippity hoppity istar in the istates singing songs about doing dirty unmenshunable things ol the time. He was going to come to Rajapakistan olso but our champions in Porin Oppice hau said "here here you shall not enter our belowed island. We do not approwe op you singing about dangerous ladies and being disrespectpul to peoples." Olso in one wideo apparantly they hau shown womans in bikinis dancing around Buddha istatue. When I heard that I got wery angry. Who is this Khan donkey making pun op religions? He should be taken to Kandana and tied up and put on railway lines. Punnily enup, Isuru Malli had this wideo on his new mobile so I put a look to see (to see statue, not to see bikini ladies, I am not like that ok), to see this so coll "statue" is in background por not ewen one second. Pans can see pictorial. Now Gossip Aiya hau to make a pew comments about this -

1)Pirst op ol, apparantly this was pound out by some monks. Now I hau to ask, what were they doing looking at these type op wideos in the first place? This song is coll "Sexy Chick", what did they think it would be, a Bairaha adwert? This wery fishy.

2)Second op ol, what kind of banana-less jockistrap was able to notice some white looking statue olllllll the way in the back when they were some pirst class patta specimans in pront dancing around in next to nothing? Ewen when I was looking por istatue I didn't see because eyes were drawn to other places. It is natural thing. Whoever managed to notice istatue is obviously op the homosapian wariety and they should be likewise tied and put on railway tracks. Or sent to Opposishun Leaders house por pun time.

3)Third op ol, cannot be sure this is ewen istatue op Buddha. It look more like those white istorm trooper buggers prom those Istarry Wars pilms. Or maybe it is punny shaped cloud. I think this bent bugger is olso blind bugger. Better take him to optishuns bepore taking to railway tracks. ip taking to opasichun leaders house no need optician.

4)Porth op ol, I am not ewen conwinced that his songs are about dirty unmenshunable things. I went on googly and researched I pound song about our wery own local beverage! It coll ismak that. Chorus talling -

"Ismak that, ol on the ploor
Ismak that, giu me some more
Ismak that, till you get sore
Ismak that, aiyooooo"

This not dirty song. This talling about some clumsy bugger who going to Perera and sons and asking old man working in shop por smak. Then he dropping it on ploor. Then he asking shop man por another one. And then he dropping that one and the next one and the next one until poor old shop man's back is sore prom bending down to clean broken botals. then man is getting angry and telling 'aiyoooo' and going. What is so dirty about that? I think these so coll "monks" who made big scene throwing istones and shouting about this should get in their E class mersedes bens cars and go back to parlimant and shout at each other and leawe us in peace without making euribody else upset that they cannot hear Khan sing. They acting more like monkeys than monks. I cannot describe them only without being disrespectpul. The real monks are too busy doing good deeds and pracitising their religion to care about some pakistani joker singing about our sopt drinks!

But now never mind. Our king is olways thinking op us so therefore he has asked davit bakham to come and get ayuruweydha treatment instead. Por those of you who do not know this is great istar prom movie bent like bekham. so now instead of going por A khan concert euribodies can go and see vedamahhataya rubbing oil and istraightening davit

Dishum dishum
Gossip Aiya

Saturday, 20 March 2010

I am olso poetick, so I hau ritten limerick!

There was a nice girl prom Padukka
who sported a wery nice puka
with short iskirt and heels
she'd stand inside Keells
Looking to all like a hooker

A pellow came up to inquire
How much she would charge for a hire
She asked "What do you mean"
And made quite a scene
And caused the poor man to perspire

"No no" the man said, "you misheard
I asked you where you got that curd
I've looked all around
but none I hau found
So thought that I might put a word."

"ahhh" she replied "that's okay
now iscuse me I'm going to pay"
but while waiting in line
he slapped her behind
and ran out the door and away!

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

We hau Angoda, they hau Vancouver

Halaw! as is the customary custom when hauing pree time, Gossip Aiya yesterday went to Nondi Dawids. Apter a while i got bored talking to that nondi bugger and putting on televishun box. ammata udu! it was like that one time i switch on tv and saw some ourang outangs monkeys on some nashunal geografic channel doing things that they should definitely not hau shown on tv. In other words I saw King Kong going "bing bong" with his ding dong. Anyway that is another istory.

So what Gossip Aiya saw on the kingly channel of rupawahini was ewen worse. Pirst op ol it was shock (not electric shock but "huta pochchi" shock) to me that they were not showing wideo op king going around waving hands in the air like he is directing a plane to park at katunayake). Instead op noble king, on the tv they were showing some clowns who are looks like pathola pruits dressed in multi colour penguit suits jumping around in the isnow ol excited, just like "cat" when i show it rubber ball (pans will know gossip aiya hau dog name "cat"). I ask Nondi Dawid "yako! mona magullak dha mey? (what pray kind sir is this?)" I thought maybe some white man kissmass mowies when joblass white buggers and their childrans going into isnow and throwing balls at each other and singing some "falalalala" and waiting.

Anyways Nondi toll me this is not mowie but is isport colled "Winter Olimpicks". When I ask what the hell this "Winter Olimpicks" is he telling that once eury four years, ol joblass idiot peoples in suddha countries hau this big convenshun in some cold place where they get together and play in this big playground out op isnow and ice por one month. Then other buggers come and film and put ol ower world so that ol the fellow crackpots who could not appord the plane ticket to go can watch on televishun box and wait. And they coll this "isport" so that they feel some sense op achiewement and they get some medal por being better at playing in the isnow than the rest op the other clowns. I wonder, what kind of salp respecting man woman or animal would chooses do dance around in dam cold places like north pole until there flag pole is in no shape to grease any hole. They must be either the wery istupid or the wery drunk or both. But becose many peoples are learning about world prom Gossip Aiya bloggage, I thout must find out and tell pans more about this. So I put a googly search (while searching por kumaris) and pound some information.

Apter reading googly, I hau to say this "Winter Olimpicks" bollocks is the biggest waste op time and ispace in the isporting arenas since that soththa Kapugedera monkey started playing por our nashunal team. You know how when you are the ismol batta and some uncle coming and asking "Putha what do you want to do when you become big" you say something like doctor, lowyer man, mowie istar, or maybe cirickate player. In my case tree wheel driver. But in what kind op pruit cake lolipaddle would tell "Ah yes uncle now that you menshun, when I become big I want to go into the freezing isnow, put on tight suit so ol my mambalams and kolikutto ol outisde por whole world to see that they hau become rasins and tooth pick in the cold, go to top op hill, stand on 2 s-lon pipes and go down at 60 miles an hour hopefully not hitting any trees or dogs or potholes or pictures of the noble king on the way down"??? There are many other equially retarded isports in this Olimpicks nonsense, and I thought I would describe some op the particularly brainlass ones with you dear pans.

1)bobbing isled

Now i know moment you are hearing bobbing you are thinking down the drain thoughts, but this isport basically there is a tree trunk with ol the tree inside being taken out and only outside is there, colled isled. this is put on slippery ice islope and then soem soththa buggers push this thing till it going fast, and then JUMPING IN while it is going. we opcourse dont hau to go and preeze in the isnow to do ol that. we can just go and try to get into the private bus. Now anyways isled is going round and round and getting paster and paster, and this cart hauing no wheels but same s-lon pipe like things on bottom as par as i could see no brakes. These bloody jokers leaning prom side to side to make it turn only. I thought these suddhas are the ismart buggers, but ewen in the Rajapakistan we are hauing better system to turn. It colled the ISTEERING WHEEL. Maybe I will recomand to send man prom tree wheel garage in Maradana to go and fix one in the bobbing sled so those buggers don't hau to die.


Now in this so coll isport basically these buggers are hauing a broom like thing and sweeping sweeping some istone in straight line on some ice. In Rajapakistan we do same thing but it is coll "cleaning house". These sudhdha buggers think they are such big shots that they know how to use a broom that they deserve a medal around their neck. Ip they come here and see euri old ammi doing better than them they might not peel like such big shots. Bloody poodles only the lot op them. (By the way any peminist womans reading bloggage, let me claripy not only ammis should be doing the brooming. In our house por instance I do ol brooming actiwities. Wipe won't touch the broom or broomistick ewen ip ou know what I mean.)

3)Two man luge

Now this is most silly and ambarrassing isport I hau ewer seen in my long lipe. It seems to be a isport well suited to the gentlemans who like to clean exhaust pipes (in pact maybe apter Nodhakin pinally retires prom the politics he can represent country in this isport along with that islimy bugger Ashan at Aasiri Salon who takes par too much time applying cream on my pace apter I go there por a nice shawe). Anyway in this isport, man gets on isled and lies on his back, and another man lies ON TOP op this bugger olso on his back, and they go hammering down same track they do bobbing isled lying on top op each other. hopefully only isled is bobbing and private parts too cold to go exploring. otherwise pinis! The way I see it is an excuse to get away with doing these homosapian actiwities and hau peoples cheering you while you do. I looked wery closely and eury so opten the bugger on the bottom mowes his hips this way that way. Maybe he is using his gear istick to change gears.

Anyway, Gossip Aiya's advice por the day is ip after wotching this nonsence your childrans olso wont to go and putting curling and bobbing isled, tie them to the village well and make them watch the old ladies bathing. that will teach them.

Dishum dishum
Gossip Aiya