Saturday, 29 October 2011

On line to put line

Halew Pans!

So you must be ol asking "Where this bloody Gossip Aiya, long time no ispeaking". It is true. To tall the truth, last 6 month hau been wery dippicult time por me. Basically this what happan.

One night, it was wery hot night. Gossip Aiya isweating isweating and waiting. Moskitos olso euriwheres coming close singing in ear and going. Put Good Night coil, what bloody good night. Wipe olso isnoring beside me like nasally congested baboon. So I get up, put sarong and stand outside. Nothing happan outside. So come inside and put tv box. Nothing happan on tv box, only nashunal plag plying plying and some jockstrap singing namo namo matha. So what else to do but put hand party? So Gossip Aiya tipitoed back to bedroom, check to see wipe istill past asleep, then put computer on. Now wotching quite interesting things on internet (better not describe as i know some pans are istill wery ismolls, ip you want to know what Gossip Aiya talking about go to wotch brand new feature film at Roxy). Anyways these things on internet so interesting Gossip Aiya did not hear this aforementioned unsightly sounds prom bedroom suddenly istop. These things so interesting Gossip Aiya did not hear footsteps coming closer. Gossip Aiya only realise the ill fate that was about to befol him when wipe iscream "THAMUSAY MONAWADHA KARANNEY??!!" and other unmenshunable words. This was swiptly pollowed by kaney shot to end ol kaney shots. Poor Gossip Aiya was sent running prom house so fast no time ewen to tie sarong.

So since then wipe hau colled SLT and now we hau no broadband. Only band in house is rubber band. Wipe olso threaten "ip i hear you are going to internet capey and doing dirty dirty things i will cut your mambalams opp when you are isleeping" so Gossip Aiya wery iscared and hau been what you technologicals peoples colling "oppline". Now come online wery quickly to put line to dear pans (wipe hau gone to dhaney op sister's husband's motherinlaw's goat or something in Seenigama).

Anyways, lot op things happaning in Rajapakistan since I tolk last. Onerable and noble King hau done many onerable and noble things por our peoples (while Nodhakin doing not so onerable and noble things to swimming pool cleaning boy). Euriwhere looking, new buildings, bridges, roads and so many other things. Now galle road is so plat, ewen 30 year old tata lorries gliding as ismooth as babys buttocks. You can go prom colombo to bentota in same time that it takes to brush ones teeth. (op course Isuru Malli will not underistand that statmant as he does not know what this teeth brushing business is. his breath is so odorful that he can curdle milk by exhaling prom 10 meters away) We ewen recently hau inaugaral "South Asian Beach Games" in Hambantota. That is ip you coll a volleybol team prom Nepal, two sailors prom Bangladesh that had probably lost their way and 20 spectators an internashunal isporting ewent.

Now onerable king hau gone to Australia to rub noses with Queen and other buggers op this common wealth (hopefully not rubbing anything else). Maybe he should talk to Australian prime minister as we hau lot in common. Both countries hau good crickating team. Both countries hau convicts and unsawory characters running freely on the istreets. Both countries olso hau wery problematic nashunal carriers. (Por those who are not wery upto date with current appairs unlike Gossip Aiya, Kwantas airline hau been kept on ground by labor dispute, while one op our fleet was caught in Paris last week with engine about to fall off.)

Anyways Gossip Aiya is going por seshun with ol the usual suspects to celebrate day op freedom bepore wipe comes back. Hopepully she will come on new road so quickly she will be in Puttalam bepore she realise she hau missed Colombo. Can giu me time por one last hand party.

Dishum Dishum
Gossip Aiya

p.s. Grease yaka came to put part in Nondi Dawid's house last week. Nondi cought the bugger and shoved a broomstick up where sun not shining. Too bad that was the one place there was no grease.

Monday, 28 February 2011

Pinally bloggage!

Pans I am back and on the line!!The wery sorry por the wery long time period op inactiwity. I hau been working days and nights and ewen preshus apternoon napping time to save monies to buy plat iscreen to wotch cirickate world cup pinal. You will be wery glad to know that I hau today purchased said plat iscreen prom Abans showroom - it is so plat that ewen Murali couldn't turn a boll on it! By the way those Abans buggers are dam cussard buggers. When I walked in wearing batas and sarong some soththa pello coming and shooing me out like some cockaroach talling "here here inside only customers, ip you want to wotch tv then wotch prom outside like ol other peoples". How the bloody cheek. When he saw envelope I was holding pull op notes with king pace on opcourse he starting bowing bowing saying "sorry sir yes sir no sir tree bags pull sir" and ol that. Bugger got what he deserwed though. As the jockstrap was bending ower to lipt tv box to put in my tree wheel i walked right in pront op him and let rip one ungodly googly only straight into pace! tee hee hee

So anyway, on Saturday I am hauing ismoll party in newly baptised "platscreen room" (not to be conpused with "latreen room"). Ol prends are coming - Nondi Dawid, Nil Batta and other buggers prom tree wheel istand. I hau olso asked Isuru Malli to come oltho that bugger knows as much about cirickate as Soththapala in opposishun knows about winning elechuns. Thankpully wipe is going to her relashuns village so we can put party in peace without dam woman screeching at me like chimpanzee to turn down volume.

Now I know some peoples are worried about our boise going and playing dirty chapathi boise in their own dirty chapathi country. Ewen tho onerable noble king is making good use op our tax rupees to fly himselp and 30 op his crew to Mumbai to giu our boise moral support, we will indeed be outnumbered. Gossip Aiya tho thinks we should "take out the positiwes" prom the situashun (like hearing ol the time prom captain op team that got trashed in post-match interview). Our boise don't hau to be worried about the pollowing things with the chapathis hau to worry about ip they do not play well -

a) hauing bottles/istones/warious rubbish/aloo gobi/dirty underwear thrown at them prom pans in the istand
b) hauing their houses istoned/set on pire
c) hauing euri cirickate pundit and their dog talking dirty things about them por next four years
d) getting set upon in dressing room by a wery angry and drunk Navjot Singh Sidhu cursing them in ol sorts op ingenious and nonsenical ways (something like "ip ips and ands were pots and pans, i will drag you outside and shoot you in the street like the dogs you are")
e) losing millions op rupees in adwertisemants por sopt drinks, clotheswear, motorbikes, tampons and other things (prom what I hear our buggers are giwen 5000 rupees and a lunch packet to do a TV ad)
f) ip they get really thrashed, hauing to relocate to some remote willage in Mongolia and take fake names like Gengis Kan to escape prom murderous public

Therepore my in depth analysis suggests that chapathis will supper prom "home disadwantage".

So par I hau to say I am wery conpident in our boise abilities. Only worry is middle order. Can't blame the buggers olso becos they hau hardly had a chance to play. I think Dilshan and Upul should hau retired in England game to giu them chance to hit themselwes into porm against such a schoolboy bowling attack (as boycott says, ewen my achchi could bowl better than those goons). Anyway cannot be helped. Only thing Gossip Aiya suggests sending Silva and Sam the Man to "school op hard knocks" to practice polladi techniques bepore Saturday.

Anyway, here is wishing our boys ol the best (not prom LG and Abans but prom Gossip Aiya). Let's show those nose-picking never-washing street-defecating gulab jamuns what our lions are made op. Jayawewa!!

Dishum dishum (ara ara ara aroooo)
Gossip Aiya