Sunday, 26 September 2010

By royal (dis)appointment

Now Gossip Aiya hau been reading with the much amusemant about these "common wealth games". It happening this time in soththa chapathi land abowe glorious nashun op Rajapakistan. Pirst op ol, Gossip Aiya not underistanding wat the bloody hell these games are anyway. It is like the poor in-bred disabled cousin op the Olympic games. Only suddha Queen-lauing countries can take part. Also ol countries that Queen came and took ower during what is coll "colonisashun" period (ip you want to know more about this colonisashun istories talk to colonial cusins they will tell you eurithing). So basically Queen hau told these countries like Rajapakistan "here now I know we came and took ower your land, made you ol work por us, stole all your crops, did dirty things with ol your local village womans and ol these things por many years. Sorry ah. How about we allow you eury few years to come and jump ower sticks and run in circles with us suddhas? Supertop, you poor brown buggers will enjoy no?"

Dam hooligan only this Queen. They colling this "common wealth games" also. What bloody common wealth. These poor pellows prom places like Kiribati and ol hau to sell their house only to buy air ticket while these other buggers prom the New Zealand and the Ostralia coming ismiling ismiling with pancy cameras and designer clothes. In iswimming contests olso these buggers hauing state op the art pull body suits while some joker prom Samoa in next lane wearing a leaf around mambalams only.

Anyways, point op todays article is not to shout about Queen. It is to tell that Queen is dam istupid. Out op alllllll the countries in this so coll common wealth areas, why did they choose Chapathi-land to host games? What in gods name was that old womans thinking? Wearing big hats and crowns ol these years must hau impaired her mental abilities. Imagine one day she sitting on big chair and thinking "now there is a big country pull op one billion dirty, sweaty, stinky homa buggers, that send out channa masala prom backside on the bloody streets only without going to lat room like civilised peoples. I say, why not get these nincompoops to organise global isporting event por thousands op athletes? Sha what an idea!" Now op course Queen realises what a bad mistake that was. Only worst mistake than that was when Sanga bowled that cabbage-headed joker Isuru Udana in that famouse over in twenty twenty pinal against Pakistan when Shahid Apridi gawe him such a spanking that his arse was red por two weeks.

Anyways, apparantly these Indian clowns hau spent more money on this event than the Beijing and London Olympics and ewen Pootboll World Cup. And por what? The houses por athletes are in a worse state than my wipe's uncle's abandoned shack in Ussapitiya. Ewen the rats and cockroaches peel disgusted to liu there. In one house the false ceiling had collapse suddenly. Apparently builder had said "no matter, it was false one no?" Dam pool. They hau built big bridge to stadium, that olso kaput. There olso some bugger has said "is ok, main thing is the istadium hau not collapse". That is true...hau not collapsed yet!

And with ol this tompoolery, games is istarting next week. Our pellows prom Rajapakistan olso taking part. Gossip Aiya thinking that Noble King should write latter to Queen. Latter should say like this - "Hallo Queen. This is King. I know there is biiig problams going on in New Delhi. Why don't ol you buggers come to Rajapakistan por games instead? We can hold games in Shalika isports ground and athletes can liu in Bambalapitiya flats. I can send Mihin Air plane to London olso to pick up you and your big-eared son ip you want to attend." Hopepully that will work.

But ip Queen not accepting, my adwice to our athletes is better to istay home. No point trawelling to such third world countries and hau a false ceiling poll on top of head. At least in Rajapakistan you can see white van coming prom top of road so you hau time to run.

Dishum dishum
Gossip Aiya