Gossip Aiya and the Panadura Express

Gossip Aiya is waiting with the greatest of anticipations for the Forty cricket world cup, or as dumb white man called it, twenty twenty (unfortunately man who came up with idea had fogotten calculator that day). One thing you esteemed readers do not know about Gossip Aiya is that I was wery good cricketing player before I married wipe with big mouth and got potbelly from eating too much kos mallun.

Gossip aiya in glory days was asked to SSC (Soththa Sports Club) for Sri Lanka team trials. After weeks of looking at calendar, scratching head and waiting, morning of trial come. I put shining white cricket shirt and slacks (even with white Bata shoes and white jungi!),brush teeth twice with Link Sudantha, put powder in underarm holes, apply pol thel (coconut oil) liberally on hair until hair also shining, and jump on 102 bus as it go by my house. (This was in days before Gossip Aiya bought shiny red trishaw with tree wheels)

In bus i put a sat next to the window, to breathe the fresh clean air coming from Mattakulliya shanties. Next door to me was old man, chewing betel and scratching bollucks vigorously. Old man leans over me to spit out betel juice when bus suddenly stops, knocking old man onto poor Gossip Aiya. in slow motion i see long red stream of betel meant to go outside but instead landing on shiny white shirt! "yako thamusey magey lassana sudhu shirt eka kaawa, gong harakek!" i shouted (translation- "Excuse me kind sir, you hawe unfortunately dirtied my nice white apparel"). As you can see even in upsetting situation Gossip Aiya has respect for elders.

In sad mood, smelling like betel and looking like an ad for Sunlight (before wash) I arrived at trial, to the laughter of all the peoples there. Gossip Aiya thout the day couldn't get any worse. Gossip Aiya thout wrong.

Time came for me to put a bat. I nicely walked into middle, to face wery tall, wery mean looking and wery fast bowler. He was called the Panadura express (also the name of the bus he took to come.) He started running in like someone had stuck a skyrocket up his behind and had lit the fuse. At the last minute, Gossip Aiya realised he had forgotten his ballguard! Ammataudu, how to get out of this fix? Only one thing to do - I jumped away off pitch, curled up in a ball and covered defenceless bollucks with my bat. The ball came like a bullet, fast and straight, and knocked over middle stump. Out first ball. End of wery promising cricket career. But at least Gossip Aiya has both bollucks intact...otherwise what is there to scratch while waiting in Maligawatte three wheel park for a hire?

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Gossip Aiya