Dear Gossip Aiya.

Dear gossip aiya,
As of lately, i've been having illicit feelings towards my best friend's boyfriend. The feelings are definitely not mutual. What should i do?
Yours,
Confused

Dear Conpused,

Pirst of all when writing of problems to me please try to write them in a simple way otherwise Gossip Aiya hawe trouble understanding the busstand of you problam. I had to spend a great deal of time figuring out meaning of this word "illicit". Dam too much using these big shot vocabularies.

However must get to point of the matter. with referance to your question, these randy thoughts are wery common among young peoples of today especially apter alcohol consumption (nothing like brandy to get a woman randy). euribody these days putting looks at other peoples lowers and getting dirty ideas. Chee chee. But when you get these feelings you need sexual healings, to cure you of these randy thoughts. And I hawe many solutions. I can arrange for some of my boise from Maligawatte to go and make your best friend 'vanish' into back of unmarked white tuk tuk and newer seen again. Then when this soththa boy is sitting there in the upsets you can nicely go and make him plain tea and cos mellum and pretend like your comforting him ( while you nicely get comfortable with him) after a few days he would have forgotten that he had a girlsfrand and you and slip into her place ( no pun intended). By the way ip you want 'relief' prom frustrations also you can wisit my boise, no problam they will sort out your problam.

Otherwisely you can buy the bugger a botal and go behind backside of your friend to get prisky with him (nothing like whisky to get a bugger prisky). but then before you must go to the gangarama temple and pray to the gods that the alcohol does not interefere with his blood flow. Otherwise pinish. It will help if you dress like a wedhdha woman from dambana while partaking in this seductive activity.

Also boys like girls who play with toys. So invest in a Lego set and take it to his place and play Lego with him. He will find this very arousing and your syptoms will be cured. (unless he is a soththa bugger who has very poor blood flow)

However gossip aiya would like to take this opportunity to inform you that u have the morals of an alley cat in heat, trying to hauing dirty dirty feelings about your best friends boy friend. Gossip aiya advices you to go and get a nice kolikuttu plantain (as shown in the above) in order to cure your illness, instead of putting line for other peoples boys. Cheeky!

Dishum dishum

Gossip Aiyah!