Galle road, tars is putting, minister also going, we ares also going, you arse also going!

Today ewening Gossip Aiya was roaming around looking for hire and scratching bollocks (wery hot day and Gossip Aiya wery sweaty), when he saw old old man close to expiry date putting hand out signalling por me to istop. I istop. Thank God pinally hire. The man took about halp hour to get in tree wheel, coffing and weezing. I was wondering ip this dam prune of a man has swine plue. I ask him where he want to go, and he say he want to go to kanatta, hawe a puneral to attand and he was wery late. Gossip Aiya say "I say sir, wery bad porm to get late for your own puneral, people must be waiting por you!" I laup. He didn't laup. I also realise maybe I was a bit too ismart (ismart mouth, not ismart arse). Now peeling bad.

So now going going going and try to put on to cemetery roads. Mala keliyai! Trappic in pront istop. No can go. I put head out of tree wheel and politely ask army bugger with big gun 'mey mokaddha yako?( kind sir what seems to be the problem). He pointed gun at me and I put head back inside very quickly. Some very important panditheya (VIP) must be going this way. I try to rewerse back, but already other vehiculars behind. Huka pochchi. Now stuck waiting for Rajapakistan king, state goat or some other minister to go by along with all the other bulletproof vehicals our bustling economy can appord. No wonder buggers are scared of peoples killing them when they make half the country wait in cars por them to go and buy maniyoks.

So now stuck por almost porty-fiwe minutes in trappic jammage. To make matters worse, old man in back of tree wheel is now coffing and ispitting all ower back of trishaw like a man possassed. Cussard bugger not ewen bothering to spit outside onto road because op joke i made. Main thing is i hope he doesn't hawe swine plue, or Gossip Aiya seththa pochchi!

So while sitting and waiting por goons to go in tinted jeeps, i thout of some ideas to keep one occupied during trapic jam. As the peoples pavourite mode of transport I thinking 'ah I should tell euribodies about my discoveries'. here are a pew things you can do -

1) put head outside of tree wheel and istart singing 'surangani' or 'yaman bando wesak balanna'. hopefully other peoples will join, and can hawe nice singalong. If army bugger points gun put head back inside. Istop singing. Go to options 2.

2) go to wehicles and take bets on which particular VIP is going to buy maniyoks. then go to army bugger and ask to find out who. Ip army bugger does not know make up a name. you will become rich man.

3) This one requiring some praparashuns. Go to kollupitiya market where there is always parking attadant in green uniporm. tap on shoulder and point at the isky saying "look at the isky". While attandant is looking at isky steal the uniporm and run like isuru malli. When you get caught in trappic jam, put on uniporm and go prom wehicle to wehicle handing out parking tickets and asking por money. Ip somebody making fuss, wave to army bugger with big gun and point to the driwer. Ip driwer liking head on top op neck and not in lappage op pront seat passenger he will pay.

4) Ip you are tree wheel driwer do the pollowing - put head outside tree wheel while on mobile phone, and crane neck as ip looking at front op kew. then suddenly pretend to cut call and wery loudly start tree wheel engine dishum dishum and full cut wheel. Depinitely next door driwer will get excited and put engine, then car behind also put, and like that put put put put put until euribody behind put. then turn engine back opp and get back on phone like nothing happened. Euribodys conpused not knowing what is the happening, except you.

Ip all this pails park in the middle of road and go to bakery and buy two malu banis and 2 kimbula banis and whack while you wait for dam fools to go and buy maniyoks and come.

Dishum dishum

Gossip Aiyah!