Monday 22 June 2009

Party Putting


Some time ago on juicy juicy mambalam bloggage Gossip Aiya was putting talks about his politics party. Gossip Aiya is not big pan op Rajapakistan king, also not pan op Rajapakistan nodaking (ip you are not understanding the busstand please reper to earlier post entitled "Counting (Dead) Crows". Thank you come again.)

So I hau lot of pree time when putting rounds around Asiri looking por hire, or sitting in tree wheel park scratching bollocks and waiting. So in pree time Gossip Aiya thinking lot op things - por example how long wipe will liu, or why kulasekera in cirikat team.

One day Gossip Aiya putting thinking about uselessness op king and nodaking, and how I could to better job in temple treehouse. I hau lot op ideas to improwe country. I was telling Nil Batta about ideas and he also thout they were wery pantastical. “Machang,” he told, “pakshayak hadapiya, api chandey danawa anniva deffa!” (translation – Good man, put a party, we will put wotes anytime!). Other tree wheel driwers also agree while nodding head like drunk goat. But this is big comitmant, so like all big politicals peoples doing, i am going temple, mosque, church and pinally kowil asking por sign prom God whether i should put party. As I walk out op kowil, one crow came plying plying ower and put toilet droppings on head. Huta pochchi. Because I was in holy place I didn’t let filthy words escape from mouth. I look up at crow, thinking of whether to get catapult prom tree wheel and hammer when Ammatasiri! This no ordinary crow. This crow pull black, but one peather in tail pure white colour, as white as plags on top of Siripadha. I think, "This ispecial crow, not dead crow, but holy crow. So I thought "ammataudu! God himselp has sent crow to make signage on me."

But ewen God is iscared of wipe. So next I had to get wipe’s blassings. So I bought nice basket of lawariya (sri lanka isweet, cheaper than chocolate) prom woman sitting under tree, nicely ispray air preshner under arm holes, put extra pol thel in hair, put joka (which I borrow from nondi david) and go home. Putting nice ismile i go inside. Wipe is cooking kos mellum. I go and put hand on shoulder. Wipe got shock and turned around, and gawe patas slap across pace. This also I thought was a sign from God. Normal day she would have chopped something off.

“What is this dam nonsense!?” said wipe. Then she looking at me up and down. “Why you ismiling like jackass? Are you constipated? And what the hell is that dam smell” ( I hau told bepore no wipe very unculturedpul don’t know nice things)

“No, sudu” I reply (although wipe is anything but sudu, she is as black as burnt watalappam pudding). “I am just happy to come home to such beautipul wipe as you.” (I was hoping God was not watching, otherwise Gossip Aiya get one way ticket to the Hell place por telling such big lies) “See, I bought lawariya also to show my lau.”

Wipe took lawariya and look. Again gawe patas islap. “Gas balla!!! (gossip aiya will not translate as this is wery dirty prase.) You ispent so much money on this dam lavariya?? When I ask por money to fix leak in sink becos water going euriwhere in kitchen you say no money, when I ask money to buy onion you tell cook without onion, but you buy lavariya and come? Am I to paste this dam lavariya on sink leaks?? Do u hau brain in backside even?” Wipe think por a second. “Last time you brought me gipt you had lost your joka because of gambling, and time bepore that you drove tree wheel into wesak decoration. What idiotic thing did you do now you dam baboon??”

At this point, Gossip Aiya realise that wipe is in shuper dangerous mood. Maybe it is time op the month – thought op asking but maybe not good idea.

“No darling wipe, I hau bought gipt because today something the pantastic happen.”

Wipe looking wery suspishus. “What what is this you are talking? Kiyapiya (tell me quickly) I hawe things to do!”

Ammataudu most depinitely her time op month, but then again euriday like time of month. So I tell her ishtory about crow and God and Party. Stupid woman pirst thought I was going to hau dance party, not politics party, and gauve me another patas slap.

Pinally when she got it inside her cashewnut sized brain, she say “Moda mussilaya! (also unmentionably bad bad word) Hau you been out in sun too long?? Or has driwing ower potholes all these years turned your brain to jally pudding? You istupid pool, you think you can put politics party? You see a punny looking bird and think it God? Don’t know what ideas that halp-breed group of ismelly third-class Maligawatte nitwits hau put in the inside of your ismall head. Budu ammooo I don’t know why God curse me with such a good por nothing idiot por a husband! Go prom here bepore I hammer you with this cooking spoon! Get out! Where are you taking that lavariya, leave that and get out!”

Gossip aiya very upset, walking like lost balloon. Then bump into that dam fool isuru malli, but luckily he had botal so we go to nondi davids house and put drink and decide to put politics party without telling wipe. As usual iscared about wipe, but ip Gossip Aiya becomes king, he will hau power of army navy and air porces so maybe I will hau chance to go and get rid of that devils woman!

But por now I hau to go home and try not to get killed.

Dishum Dishum

Gossip Aiyah!

6 comments:

  1. ela ela gossip aiya, elagiri blog.... choo chwwet

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  2. "Where are you taking that lavariya, leave that and get out!"
    HAHAHA! Hilarious stuff, man.

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  3. haiyoo devils woman indeed.
    but anyway, you should set up a political party, & then become powerful & get your people to take nasty wipe on a ride in the back of an unmarked white van.
    Euribody wins :D

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  4. except wipe. i do not want her to win even a game op tuck tic took.

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