Devi Pihitai!

Today morning as per usual I woke up to the sound of my wipes broken alarm like voice. After a quick run to the beach where I made toilet I was good to get in my tree wheel and go to work. But I get in side and worship the steering and try to istart. No istart. Try to istart again. No istart. Huka pochchi. No patrol. Then wipe comes out and start yelling about how I go drinking and don’t pump petrol. Those two things are not even related. Moda geniy. Now patrol shed very par from gossip aiyas house so I hau to catch bus. And I say this in every literal sense possible. As some of you may know srilankan bus drivers aren’t taught what the pedal between the accelerator and clutch does. As a result busses never stop. The signs on the front saying "devi pihitai" ( may god bless you) are not signs of good wishes but warnings to whoever gets on the bus. If by some stoke of idiocy you want to get on one of these machines of death you have to lift up your sarong until your buttocks are in the outside and run after bus and hang on to whatever part of the bus you can. If you catch on to conductors sarong, then pinished. Sarong and you both falling in drain.
So I go to the road side and wait for the bus. Bus is coming in the far and the ladies in sari next to me started lifting up the saree and running. Not to be outdone I also lipt up sarong and run and run and run and jump and catch something on bus. To see I have grabbed onto one ladies bosom region. Keliya huta! After being showered with filth and generous beating with her umbrella I managed to find a seat. So now I am sitting bus is going. bus is going I am sitting, and slowly slowly more people jump on the bus and it getting very crowded. Gossip aiya likes to go in crowded bussed. Then ladies in nice nice sarees come and stand close to gossip aiya and every times the bus slows down i can accidently touch on their navel areas and pretend like I didn’t mean it. Like good times and great malu banis. But today one gentlemans who was slightly over weights came and stood next to me. Now you will know that gossip aiya is a very polites man so when I say slightly over weight I mean that if he gained another ounce he could not go to kandy for fear that the high preist will keep him to carry the tooth relic in the yearly procession knows as perahera. So this slightly overweight gentlemans stands next to me I didn’t notice because I was pretending to look out the window and was looking down the blouse of the lady next to me. When I turn round ammataudu! This mans buttocks was in my pace. Now gossip aiya does not like buttocks in pace. Specially if they are attatched to fat person of a male kind. And euritimes the bus is slowing down this buttocks is coming and pressing my nose. Chikey! At one point I thought my nose broke. Finally when I got down at the petrol shed I felt very dirty. Dirty like a door mat to the brothel place. Almost took home diesel instead of petrol. If that happened then wipe would have been on my case again. Dam devils woman never shuts up. Anyway, so couldn’t go to work in the morning also. Peel like putting afternoon nap also now that I have had my lunch, but that woman might send the broom stick on an exploratory tour. Cant take the risk so I am going to the tree wheel park.
So boise and girls never take the bus. Giu gossip aiya a call I will come. ( no pun is intended)

Dishum Dishum

Gossip Aiyah!